Contributed by Monica Mazzei, Family Law Partner at Sideman & Bancroft
There’s plenty of talk separately about relationships and personal finance, but very little practical knowledge on integrating the two. The headlines are grim. “Over 40% of marriages end in divorce.” “Money is the most common cause of arguments.” Clearly, there’s a need for more education! There are some fundamental “rules” that will help you avoid the financial pitfalls many couples fall victim to.
Rule #1: Talk about Finances with Your Partner Before You Get Married.
This may sound simple, but very few couples actually do this. It’s important to know the other person’s attitudes about money, what debt they may have and how it should be paid off during marriage, and what assets both people are bringing into the marriage. One pre-marriage counseling group had couples exchange credit reports during the first class… and many were shocked to learn about their fiancés credit card debt or the amount of their student loans. This tactic may have been extreme, but it forced couples to have this discussion before they got married. “Financial secrets” can be deadly to a marriage.
You also want to consider whether a pre-marital agreement is right for you. Many think that pre-marital agreements are only for the rich and famous, but that is not the case. A pre-marital agreement allows couples to decide how to treat assets, debts, and income during marriage, upon a divorce or upon the death of one another. A premarital agreement provides a couple with a customized financial road map, but perhaps more importantly, it forces couples to discuss their views about money and financial expectations before they get married. With the average age of couples marrying for the first time on the rise, and more and more women out-earning the men in their field, many women are coming into the marriage with assets (such as a home and retirement or investment accounts) and shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to maintain those assets as their own.
Rule #2: Think of You and Your Spouse as Co-CFOs.
During marriage it’s important that you think of your family as a business and you and your spouse as Co-CFOs. Even if one person is better at handling the family finances, both people should be kept in the know about the finances and participate in major financial decisions. This can be easily accomplished by creating a family balance sheet, periodically updating it and taking the time to discuss it together. Couples who are effective communicators about money schedule weekly or monthly family meetings to discuss the status of the family finances. Some couples find it helpful to work with a financial planner and schedule annual or quarterly meetings to discuss the family finances and goals for the upcoming year. Hopefully, these tips will keep your marriage from falling within the 40% of those that end in divorce. However, if you find yourself starting the divorce process, having knowledge of the assets and debts (located on the family balance sheet) will make the process easier.
Rule #3: Keep One Foot in the Door.
Many women decide once they have children to focus on family and not work outside the home. Raising children is an important, tireless, and often under-appreciated job(!) – however, many women make the mistake of taking themselves out of the game completely only to find themselves in a position where they have to re-enter the workforce due to divorce, death of a spouse, or their spouse losing a job. Spousal support or alimony isn’t what it used to be. Women are more educated and have more career opportunities than they did twenty years ago. Generally, courts consider spousal support as rehabilitative, which means that typically the supported spouse will be expected to return to work and become self-supporting.
There are fairly easy things women can do to retain marketability when they no longer work outside the home such as volunteer work in their industry or field or keeping in touch with their business contacts – this can be as easy as sending out a holiday card or meeting a prior colleagues for lunch once a month.
Many people think that the number one cause of divorce is infidelity, but it’s actually money or finances. It’s amazing how much time and money are devoted to the “wedding day” and how little thought is given to a couple’s financial future. Thoughtful planning and educated decisions about money made before marriage provide a clear roadmap of a couple’s financial future. Although not very romantic, having open and frequent dialogues about money can alleviate the financial stress which is so often the cause of divorce.
Monica Mazzei is a Family Law Partner at Sideman & Bancroft in San Francisco, CA, where she specializes in dissolution actions involving complicated valuation and financial matters and complex community property and support issues.
What Every Woman Should Know about Finances and Marriage
Expert AnswersThere’s plenty of talk separately about relationships and personal finance, but very little practical knowledge on integrating the two. The headlines are grim. “Over 40% of marriages end in divorce.” “Money is the most common cause of arguments.” Clearly, there’s a need for more education! There are some fundamental “rules” that will help you avoid the financial pitfalls many couples fall victim to.
Rule #1: Talk about Finances with Your Partner Before You Get Married.
This may sound simple, but very few couples actually do this. It’s important to know the other person’s attitudes about money, what debt they may have and how it should be paid off during marriage, and what assets both people are bringing into the marriage. One pre-marriage counseling group had couples exchange credit reports during the first class… and many were shocked to learn about their fiancés credit card debt or the amount of their student loans. This tactic may have been extreme, but it forced couples to have this discussion before they got married. “Financial secrets” can be deadly to a marriage.
You also want to consider whether a pre-marital agreement is right for you. Many think that pre-marital agreements are only for the rich and famous, but that is not the case. A pre-marital agreement allows couples to decide how to treat assets, debts, and income during marriage, upon a divorce or upon the death of one another. A premarital agreement provides a couple with a customized financial road map, but perhaps more importantly, it forces couples to discuss their views about money and financial expectations before they get married. With the average age of couples marrying for the first time on the rise, and more and more women out-earning the men in their field, many women are coming into the marriage with assets (such as a home and retirement or investment accounts) and shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to maintain those assets as their own.
Rule #2: Think of You and Your Spouse as Co-CFOs.
During marriage it’s important that you think of your family as a business and you and your spouse as Co-CFOs. Even if one person is better at handling the family finances, both people should be kept in the know about the finances and participate in major financial decisions. This can be easily accomplished by creating a family balance sheet, periodically updating it and taking the time to discuss it together. Couples who are effective communicators about money schedule weekly or monthly family meetings to discuss the status of the family finances. Some couples find it helpful to work with a financial planner and schedule annual or quarterly meetings to discuss the family finances and goals for the upcoming year. Hopefully, these tips will keep your marriage from falling within the 40% of those that end in divorce. However, if you find yourself starting the divorce process, having knowledge of the assets and debts (located on the family balance sheet) will make the process easier.
Rule #3: Keep One Foot in the Door.
Many women decide once they have children to focus on family and not work outside the home. Raising children is an important, tireless, and often under-appreciated job(!) – however, many women make the mistake of taking themselves out of the game completely only to find themselves in a position where they have to re-enter the workforce due to divorce, death of a spouse, or their spouse losing a job. Spousal support or alimony isn’t what it used to be. Women are more educated and have more career opportunities than they did twenty years ago. Generally, courts consider spousal support as rehabilitative, which means that typically the supported spouse will be expected to return to work and become self-supporting.
There are fairly easy things women can do to retain marketability when they no longer work outside the home such as volunteer work in their industry or field or keeping in touch with their business contacts – this can be as easy as sending out a holiday card or meeting a prior colleagues for lunch once a month.
Many people think that the number one cause of divorce is infidelity, but it’s actually money or finances. It’s amazing how much time and money are devoted to the “wedding day” and how little thought is given to a couple’s financial future. Thoughtful planning and educated decisions about money made before marriage provide a clear roadmap of a couple’s financial future. Although not very romantic, having open and frequent dialogues about money can alleviate the financial stress which is so often the cause of divorce.
Monica Mazzei is a Family Law Partner at Sideman & Bancroft in San Francisco, CA, where she specializes in dissolution actions involving complicated valuation and financial matters and complex community property and support issues.
Time to Get Serious about Diversity in Law
Industry Leaders, LeadershipOn Tuesday, the Institute for Inclusion in the Legal Profession convened a group of lawyers and other professionals for a symposium on diversity. While the IILP’s own research on the topic was published earlier this year, the event featured presentations by top researchers and speakers on the issue.
One main point emphasized at forum, held at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP in New York City, was the slow pace of change in the profession regarding gender, ethnic, disability, and even more microtargeted diversities.
Floyd Holloway, Counsel at State Farm Insurance and Board Member of the IILP, explained, “We don’t have the luxury of looking at the issue with a pensive state… as we might have done two decades ago.”
He continued, “The pipeline issue is still very much alive today.”
In a profession marked by a commitment to justice, fairness, and equality, he urged his peers to leave a legacy as the generation who made a difference for diversity in their own profession. “Make the difference and carry the dialogue forward,” he said.
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How Does She Do It All? She Doesn’t – And You Don’t Have to Either
Work-LifeIn the previews to the new Sarah Jessica Parker film “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” we see a frantic and tired woman constantly in motion; she’s running her children to school, dashing to the office, staying up all night creating her mental to-do list. Some contend that this is a thing of the past, that 10 years ago “having it all” became the obsession of a generation of women, but like Parker’s character, there are still many who wholeheartedly believe they can have it all. They believe it is in their power to have a dynamic career, the picture perfect family, and a healthy marriage and social life – all while maintaining their supermom persona. According to new research, however, not only can this belief fall short, but it can also lead to depression.
Katrina Leupp, a University of Washington graduate student, recently authored a new study that found that working mothers who believe that home and the office can be seamlessly juggled are at greater risk for depression than their more realistic colleagues who accept they can’t do it all.
Leupp looked at 1,600 women — a mix of working and stay-at-home mothers — who had previously participated in the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, which tracked kids in 1979 when they were between 14 and 22-years-old. As young adults, the women were asked to rate their attitudes regarding women’s employment. Leupp then analyzed those answers alongside a score of the women’s level of depression when they were 40. Her findings confirmed earlier studies that showed that women who are employed have better mental health than stay-at-home mothers. The study also revealed that women who rejected the myth of the supermom were less likely than “supermom-wannabes” to have symptoms of depression. According to Leupp, results remained similar when marital satisfaction and hours worked were considered.
Letting go of the dream of having it all can be very difficult, especially if you’ve spent every waking moment trying to maintain it. If we’re being honest (and it’s hard not to be when findings such as Leupp’s become more common), acknowledging we’re not perfect enables us to achieve so much more. By admitting that balance is impossible, you’ve already found the release valve for the working mom’s unrelenting pressure.
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Voice of Experience: Petra Van Hoeken, Chief Risk Officer – EMEA, RBS Global Banking & Markets
Voices of ExperienceBy Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)
“Make sure you enter your career excited, that you have a desire to do the job and that you want it,” advised Petra Van Hoeken, Chief Risk Officer – EMEA, RBS Global Banking & Markets.
Van Hoeken, whose career has spanned decades and has worked in different roles around the world, has stayed true to this mantra herself. Part of her success, she explained, has to do with her openness to new opportunities.
She continued, “It’s amazing what kinds of opportunities there are. I see so many youngsters coming into their careers and they want to plan everything. My advice is to be open minded and learn.”
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Advice for Ambitious Women
Next LevelLast week, BritishAmerican Business Women’s Network hosted a discussion on how women can access promotion opportunities in the tumultuous economic atmosphere. The panel, hosted by KPMG, featured Ana Duarte McCarthy, Managing Director and Chief Diversity Officer, Citi; Claudia Saran, Practice Leader – People & Change, KPMG LLP; Lareina Yee, Partner, McKinsey & Company; and was moderated by Leann Balbona, KPMG Network of Women Leader, Managing Director, Tax – International Executive Services, KPMG LLP.
Yee opened the event event with an overview of McKinsey’s Women Matter [PDF] report, which measured the views on gender diversity of about 1,500 business leaders globally. “There are enormous reasons to be very proud of where we are and be happy with the progress we’ve made.”
But, Yee said, we shouldn’t rest on our laurels just yet. For example, she explained, without the advances women have made in the workplace since the 1970s, today’s GDP would be 25% smaller. How much bigger could it be if we achieved gender parity in leadership? Considering the current economic circumstances, this question is growing ever more salient.
“The contribution of women undoubtedly matters,” she said. “If we’re going to get out of this economic funk, we’re going to need them. And we’re going to need them for a long time.”
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Five Ways Working Moms Can Own the Juggle
Work-LifeWork-life coach Amber Rosenberg recently released a survey citing guilt as a top challenge for working mothers. Fast on the heels of this not-so-happy announcement came a story in the Wall Street Journal detailing a study conducted by a graduate student in sociology which concluded that working mothers who accept that they can’t do it all are less prone to depression.
Although it’s easy to tell a working mother to accept that she can’t do it all, it might be more effective to deliver that message of acceptance to her boss, clients, spouse and children. In the meantime, how to deal with all that multi-tasking and all those expectations?
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Why Companies Need More Women to Compete
Office PoliticsA new study has revealed what many of us already knew – on average, women really like working as part of a team. Not only that, but men would rather compete alone than pair up with someone else.
But the Loyola Marymount University study, “Can Teams Help to Close the Gender Competition Gap?” [PDF] revealed more than the (often true) gender stereotypes we hear again and again, that women are collaborative and men are overconfident. It revealed yet another subtle way that corporate cultures stack the deck against women. When corporate cultures are built on individual competition, women are discouraged from participating. But companies can reverse this trend and possibly improve their performance by engendering a more team-based approach to the competitive environment.
The study showed that women were more willing to engage in competition when paired with a teammate – and conversely, the percentage of men willing to participate in competition decreased when working with a partner. And according to the researchers, economists Andrew Healy and Jennifer Pate, that’s a good thing.
While research has shown women often unwilling to take career risks, and men all too willing to engage in risky behavior on the job, narrowing the gender competition gap could help companies perform better. And according to Healy and Pate, introducing the element of teamwork narrowed that gap by two-thirds.
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Intrepid Woman: Amanda Steinberg, Founder and CEO, DailyWorth
Intrepid Women Series“Our mission is to transform women’s relationship to self worth and money – to empower women to increase their net worth,” said Amanda Steinberg, Founder and CEO of DailyWorth. “There is a lot of media attention around increasing savings and salary potential, but increasing net worth – you don’t hear a lot about it.”
“We want to really understand what the particular issues are around money, and provide engaging and interesting financial information,” she continued. DailyWorth is a web community for women to learn about personal finance in a more engaging, empowering way.
“It’s about freedom of choices in life,” Steinberg explained. “The endgame for many women – even successful ones – is this ideal of the ‘full scholarship.’ So many women still strive toward this husband/provider construct. It’s like some sort of princess rescue fantasy.”
She continued, “But for far too many women, it doesn’t work out that way – and it’s an antiquated idea that lives in our subconscious.”
“The next level of the women’s movement is knowing that you have a choice. You don’t necessarily have to be the breadwinner or the CEO – but you can choose to be.”
“It’s about liberation. Or it is for me, anyway,” Steinberg added.
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Voice of Experience: Joanna Cound, Managing Director, Government Affairs and Public Policy, BlackRock
Voices of ExperienceAccording to Joanna Cound, Managing Director of Government affairs and Public Policy at BlackRock, a critical career juncture for women is the move from director level to managing director.
“I made MD in 1994, before there were a lot of [women’s leadership] programs in place. It’s amazing how robust the program that BlackRock has set up is,” she said. BlackRock Women’s Initiative Network (“WIN”) was launched in April 2010 and currently has seven regional chapters with over 1,800 members. She advised that women begin to build a supportive network early, to help navigate and seek mentorship throughout their career.
“Networks are hugely important to your career,” she said. “Women know this but often neglect networking for more immediate priorities. Seeking guidance from senior executives, both from mentors and more informally from colleagues, is also critical. They say ‘feedback is the food of kings’ and it’s true. Ask for feedback and act on it.”
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Cracking the UK’s £15 Billion Glass Ceiling
NewsA recent report out of the UK’s Equality and Human Rights Commission has revealed that at the current rate of advancement, it will take 70 years before gender parity is reached in the boardrooms of the FTSE 100 – and that’s just parity by numbers. It doesn’t even measure the rate of advancement when it comes to pay, power, or responsibilities.
The report, Sex and Power 2011, analyzed the UK’s top 26,000 positions across business, government, media, the arts, and the public sector. According to the Commission, there are about 5,400 ‘missing’ women from influential positions in Britain.
This amounts to “the squandering of talent,” says the report. It continues, “We are losing out on what women can contribute, with the Women and Work Commission estimating that unlocking women’s talent in the workplace could be worth £15 billion or more.”
This glass ceiling is an expensive one – and the report provides a few key reasons it’s still in place. Here’s why.
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