Contributed by CEO Coach Henna Inam
Are you a perfectionist? Do you feel like nothing is ever really good enough until it’s perfect? Like many of us, do you try to be the perfect person for every situation or role you play? If you’re like me, you want the intelligence and tenacity of Hillary Clinton and the thighs of Ms. Universe (even the complete package of Mrs. Clinton isn’t good enough!!).
After years of struggling with applying high standards to everything (including myself) I’m beginning to realize that there is a large space between being perfect and being powerful. I’ve realized that if I want to reach my true leadership potential, I have to stop trying to be perfect. I work with my executive coaching clients to help them see that as well.
True story. About a year ago, I dropped my smartphone and the glass screen cracked, although the phone still worked. At first, I didn’t want to spend the money to get a new phone since my contract wasn’t done. Then it became an interesting experiment, a fun makeshift Rorschach test (remember the inkblot test that psychologists use to evaluate what we’re really thinking?)
As I would carry the phone with its cracked glass, some friends suggested that someone of my status really shouldn’t be carrying a cracked phone. What would “they” think? Other people would look at it with distaste. Really, I should have higher standards. As high-achievers, many of us set ourselves up for meeting impossible standards of being “perfect” according to some external (media, parents’, friends’) definition of perfection. Oftentimes buried under that need is the belief that unless we’re perfect, we’re not good enough. We hide the “cracks in our glass” for fear of not being accepted as we are. Mostly it’s because we don’t accept ourselves as we are.
The real reason I carry around my phone now is to remind myself, “I may not be perfect but I still work”! What’s this got to do with leadership? Actually, the only place to start any leadership growth is from where we are – a place of acceptance of our imperfections. Our attachment to perfection can actually hinder our performance and potential in five ways:
Say “No” with Power and Grace
Ask A Career CoachI have a confession to make. I am not exactly an expert in saying “No.” I spent the entire day recently running from one meeting to another. It was Sunday. I was taught early on that it’s impolite to say “No.” A lot of my executive coaching clients have a hard time saying “No” too, yet it’s a critical skill we need to succeed and keep our sanity. Saying “No” is hard because it’s inconsistent with the beliefs we have about ourselves (we’re supposed to be collaborative, empathetic, care-taking), and the expectations others have of us. I often catch myself resenting a woman establishing boundaries when I would never think twice about a man doing it. So how do we as women leaders establish boundaries with both power and grace?
In order to be able to say “No” powerfully, we have to switch our own belief system first.
We need to align our beliefs with our goals if we are going to be powerful. Here are three possible belief systems that prevent us from saying “No” and ways to switch them.
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Women Explore New Derivatives Landscape at First Annual WILD Symposium
Industry Leaders, LeadershipThe derivatives industry will come out stronger from the past year’s challenges. Dodd Frank legislation was keeping people up at night, MF Global failed, and then the industry was hit with Peregrine Financial Group. It’s enough to shake anyone in their boots, some of them even high heeled!
This was the backdrop of the first annual Women in Listed Derivatives’ WILD Symposium: Industry in Transition. Hosted by the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago, the Symposium featured high caliber speakers like Carol Burke, the woman tasked with implementing Dodd Frank at the Federal Reserve, and Terry Savage, one of two women on the CME Group Board of Directors, who discussed how the industry was changing and how women could prepare for surfacing opportunities.
Women in Listed Derivatives, or WILD, was founded in 2009. It is managed by a group of women that work in an “old boys club” known as Chicago’s derivatives industry. Now a global community, the not-for-profit WILD organization is dedicated to helping women in the listed and over-the-counter derivatives space advance their careers, find mentors, and learn how to network effectively. This was the group’s first half-day conference.
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Voice of Experience: Stephanie Breslow, Partner & Co-Head of Investment Management Group, Schulte Roth & Zabel
Voices of Experience“You really have to take charge of your career,” began Stephanie Breslow, Partner & Co-Head of the Investment Management Group at Schulte Roth & Zabel. The reason, she explained, is because while partners or senior people may take an interest in you, you have to leverage that interest into advancement.
She continued, “It’s like the television show Downton Abbey – the people who work downstairs know so much more about the people upstairs than the other way around. You know that your firm is going to try to train you, but you will be much more aware of what you need and what you are pursuing than the partners.”
Breslow advised junior lawyers not to be timid about seeking more responsibilities or experience from those at the top. Also related, she continued, is knowing when it’s time to start doling out responsibilities to people who are more junior.
“It’s human nature that people will be happy to let you handle work if you are happy to do it. But you have to learn when to start to delegate or to hand off tasks to someone else so you can get to the next level.”
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A Conversation with Young Women in Business
Expert AnswersI had the privilege two weeks ago of conversing with Georgetown Women in Business, a club formed by women in the MBA programs at Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business. They all had worked at least four years in the corporate world before coming back to complete their graduate studies. They are a highly global group, which is true of the university itself, as students are from countries around the world.
Among the topics we discussed was leadership without authority.
As one works her way up, she will frequently be in a position to lead without authority. It is important to recognize that leadership is helping others do the right things well. We may influence 1,000 people, or 100, or even one other person, that team member or colleague who needs inspiration or direction.
Be helpful. Be encouraging, be a friend and a coach. Help others. It’s good for everyone, and for your career!
A woman can do this so effectively by using her natural leadership skills, as the best leadership comes from the heart. These skills include:
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5 Tips to Handle Stress During the Holidays
Work-LifeYou know the drill: the holidays are here again already, and not only must you keep up with everything already on your plate, but you must somehow add another long list of holiday-related deliverables. The combination of everyday stressors (like juggling end-of-year work projects and client meetings) with seasonal-specific ones (like holiday parties, gift shopping, and extra cooking) can add up to some overwhelmed emotions.
To help readers of The Glass Hammer more successfully navigate the busy weeks until New Year’s, we asked therapist and author Diane Lang, who is an adjunct professor at Montclair State University and Dover Business College, for five stress-busting tips that will help you stay cool when it’s cold outside.
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Make Your Voice Heard: How Can Companies Help Women in Tech Achieve Their Career Goals?
Featured, Next LevelWe are pleased to announce the next phase of our research on women in technology. Help us develop innovative solutions that help women advance while also enabling companies to get the most out of all their employees. Click here to begin our confidential and anonymous 10-minute survey.
At our recent women in technology event last month, our panelists discussed the important ways they managed to climb to the top. Our speakers, all senior women in Managing Director or C-level technology roles, shared their strategies for advancement – like finding male allies, developing an appetite for risk, and showcasing problem solving skills.
Their stories were interesting and inspirational. But afterward, during our networking segment, discussions between panelists and event guests turned up even more questions. Most notably, women wanted to know: “how?”
Certainly, these questions all have very different answers. But a deeper analysis shows that they are really all about the same thing – navigating obstacles.
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Why It Can Feel So Much More Lonely at the Top for Women
Expert AnswersOnce in a leadership role, many women report feeling on their own, lonely, and lacking support. You know you are good at your job and your promotion was deserved. But how do you treat your team members who were your peers only yesterday? You wonder: “Can I still have a chat, or join in a joke?” And you can’t help noticing, but why on earth does the conversation suddenly stop at the water cooler when you approach? Can you no longer be friends?
It’s not just that. Now that you are in a leadership position you find it increasingly hard to know who to take into confidence about the issues on your desk, and especially the people-issues. You don’t want to break confidentiality, but it’s sure hard to not talk about them at all.
Your fellow leaders don’t seem an option. They seem to have turned hostile overnight, and give you a sense they are competing with you. Why do you suddenly have to compete with everyone? Surely you deserve some support?!
These are thoughts women typically have a lot more than most men when they are promoted, and it makes them feel lonely. It’s not something to be ashamed of, not at all.
But it doesn’t have to be lonely for women. You can have fun and be the top dog, and it’s not even that hard to do once you know how it works.
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Do You Want to Be Perfect or Do You Want to be Powerful?
Ask A Career CoachAre you a perfectionist? Do you feel like nothing is ever really good enough until it’s perfect? Like many of us, do you try to be the perfect person for every situation or role you play? If you’re like me, you want the intelligence and tenacity of Hillary Clinton and the thighs of Ms. Universe (even the complete package of Mrs. Clinton isn’t good enough!!).
After years of struggling with applying high standards to everything (including myself) I’m beginning to realize that there is a large space between being perfect and being powerful. I’ve realized that if I want to reach my true leadership potential, I have to stop trying to be perfect. I work with my executive coaching clients to help them see that as well.
True story. About a year ago, I dropped my smartphone and the glass screen cracked, although the phone still worked. At first, I didn’t want to spend the money to get a new phone since my contract wasn’t done. Then it became an interesting experiment, a fun makeshift Rorschach test (remember the inkblot test that psychologists use to evaluate what we’re really thinking?)
As I would carry the phone with its cracked glass, some friends suggested that someone of my status really shouldn’t be carrying a cracked phone. What would “they” think? Other people would look at it with distaste. Really, I should have higher standards. As high-achievers, many of us set ourselves up for meeting impossible standards of being “perfect” according to some external (media, parents’, friends’) definition of perfection. Oftentimes buried under that need is the belief that unless we’re perfect, we’re not good enough. We hide the “cracks in our glass” for fear of not being accepted as we are. Mostly it’s because we don’t accept ourselves as we are.
The real reason I carry around my phone now is to remind myself, “I may not be perfect but I still work”! What’s this got to do with leadership? Actually, the only place to start any leadership growth is from where we are – a place of acceptance of our imperfections. Our attachment to perfection can actually hinder our performance and potential in five ways:
Read more
What You Need to Know about the EU’s Proposed Quotas for Women on Boards
Managing ChangeLast month, the European Union’s Justice Commissioner Viviane Reding announced a new proposal that will push companies to hire more women directors. Modeled on Norway’s 40% quota for women on boards, the directive includes three major provisions:
1. Supervisory boards must be 40 percent female, and if they aren’t, priority must be given to equally qualified female candidates to fill these non-director roles.
2. When it comes to executive director spots, companies will have the option to set their own gender targets (a “flexi-quota”), and report on them.
3. Each member state will set its own sanctions for companies that do not follow the rules.
The focus of the directive is large, publicly listed EU companies. Those with more than 250 employees and global sales over 50 million Euros will have to comply by 2020. State-owned companies will have until 2018 to comply. According to Bloomberg, that totals about 5,000 companies. The proposal still has to pass the EU Parliament and the EU Council before becoming a law.
Suzanne Horne, a UK-based employment law partner at the global firm Paul Hastings, remarked, “The proposal signals that this issue – boardroom gender diversity – will be very much at the forefront of the corporate agenda over the next decade. And Europe seems very much to be leading the way on this issue.”
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Voice of Experience: Sue Rissbrook, UK Partner, PwC
Voices of ExperienceSue Rissbrook, UK Partner at PwC, says her advice to professional women is “being true to yourself, being who you feel you truly are, and supporting others.”
She recently moved to PwC’s London office after working in the smaller Birmingham office mainly partnered by men, and was pleasantly surprised by what she found. “I’ve now walked into a diverse set of partners. I see far more of my peers are female and I see them being very supportive of one another, which impacts positively on all partners and the team.”
“We’re supportive, creative, and entrepreneurial, and I think that’s fantastic for people to see,” she added.
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