By Tina Vasquez (Los Angeles)

One day while at work, you receive an anonymous note under your door informing you that one of your firm’s sales managers is rumored to be frequently intoxicated while at work. Not just any sales manager, however, but one who’s known as being a real “rainmaker” and a favorite among senior management.

If that’s not bad enough, he’s also carrying on an affair with a woman in the sales department and is becoming known for yelling and cursing at colleagues while intoxicated. If this sounds like the plot of a very dark comedy, think again. Theresa Jones (not her real name), the head of HR for a regional office of a large international consulting firm, said she had to navigate her way through this very scenario. And according to a recently-released survey, this type of workplace behavior may be more common than you think.

The study revealed that of the 500 London-based mid-mangers surveyed, one in 10 admits to taking illegal drugs at work and work-related social events. It was also discovered that more than 29 percent have witnessed colleagues taking drugs, with class A drugs (those treated by the law as the most dangerous) being the most widely-used. For London-based professionals, the most popular drug seems to be cocaine, with 40 percent of workplace drug users admitting to using the stimulant at work.

While addiction may be the cause of this bad behavior, other factors also come into play. Apparently, peer pressure is prevalent outside of high school, as this reason was cited as the most common for taking illicit substances at work. Nearly 21 percent surveyed said they partook “because everybody else is taking them.” Perhaps more shocking, one in five said they participated in illicit behavior because their boss did and they thought participating would make them more apt for a promotion.

Participating in this type of bad behavior could suggest bigger problems, like alcoholism or drug addiction (five percent surveyed blamed addiction) for your colleague. But what are you supposed to do if you suspect a colleague is using at work or engaging in other harmful, illicit behaviors?

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By Robin Madell (San Francisco)

“‘Nice’ has never really been the word to describe me in 
the workplace. However, I do think I am an effective leader. I honestly 
don’t know if being ‘nice’ would have gotten me further along more quickly 
or not. Sometimes I think it might have.”

-Nikki Gastineau Johnson, Vice President

As the quote above reflects, women sometimes feel conflicted about being ‘nice’ versus ‘effective’ in the workplace. Studies show that when women adopt more assertive behaviors believed to be essential to successful leadership, they are evaluated more negatively than men. (See “How to Navigate the Niceness Paradox: Part 1.”)

The Glass Hammer continues with Part 2 of a special series on how women can navigate the “niceness paradox.” For this series, we polled a group of 50 workplace thought leaders, as well as women in leadership roles across a variety of industries, for their expertise. The following strategies are a continuation of the group’s top recommendations.

Balance “Relate” and “Require”

A healthy blend of both “relating” and “requiring” skills are necessary for workplace effectiveness, says Leigh Steere, co-founder of Managing People Better. Relating skills include asking, listening, including, coaching, and encouraging, while requiring skills include creating expectations, focusing on goals, setting controls, asserting views, and confronting problems.

Leigh says that both women and men can stumble professionally if they lean on one of these skill sets more than the other. “Women may not be able to avoid the niceness paradox completely, because some find it uncomfortable to see women engaged in requiring skills.” Former CEO at Hewitt Associates Peter Friedes points out that women often believe that they become less nice when they use requiring skills.

Tom Cox, managing consultant of Cox Business Consulting, also emphasizes the relate/require balance. He says that to negate the paradox, you need to push both sides at once. “You want
 enough of a relationship that people care about making you happy, and you want to be requiring 
enough that you push people out of their comfort zones,” Cox says. He also suggests that women stop seeing the dual options as a paradox. “You don’t become more demanding by being less of a relater,” he says. “Hold your ground on relating, or even increase it.”

Suzanne M. Garber, COO of International SOS Assistance, Inc., also feels that it is not an either/or proposition between “nice” and “effective,” maintaining that it is possible for women to be 
both. “I think the more telling question is not ‘Is a woman perceived to be effective in her role if she is also nice’ but ‘Is a woman effective in her role if she is also nice,’” Garber says. “Behavior does matter in the workplace and professional courtesy niceness is, in some cases, just as important as competence. In the end, performance matters and how that is accomplished does count.”

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“I once worked with a boss who yelled at everyone in her office – she used words that were demeaning and dismissive,” recalls Kathi Elster, co-author of Working with You Is Killing Me and Working for You Isn’t Working for Me and the soon to be released Who Does She Think She Is? Elster continues: “She might yell at you for talking too much then the next day she might yell at you for not talking enough. There was no way to please her, she was an angry person who took her frustrations out on her staff. She did not seem to know that she was yelling or being a bully. When I confronted her she would say that she wasn’t that bad. Needless to say she had a 100% turnover every year.”

Elster isn’t the only woman who has encountered such horror stories about negative behaviors in the workplace. Quite the contrary; queen bees, idea-thieves, and other co-workers that just don’t play nice are common. So much so that, for some, they are becoming an undesired yet integral part of the day-to-day office experience.  This makes strategies for dealing with them indispensable.

“Most problems that drive people crazy in the workplace are not egregious, shocking events. It is the passive-aggressive, subversive personalities that are the real horror stories for people,” explains Stephanie Somanchi, MBA PhD and Executive Life Coach. Elster adds: “Women can be very competitive, and many women participate in covert competition. So instead of letting another women know that she is going to compete with her to win an account or to win a job promotion, she might go behind her back and bad mouth her to erode her reputation (covert competition). Men do this also, but usually they are much more upfront about their competitiveness towards another.”

Being able to resolve such negative behaviors diplomatically and productively is a skill to acquire. Deb Spicer, a 25-year senior level executive, consultant and author of the new book Power Teams, proposes the following five techniques, which she believes are gender neutral.

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By Jenny Chen (Washington, DC)

We’ve now passed Thanksgiving – which means the holidays are right around the corner. And when sugarplums are dancing in your employees’ heads come the holiday season, it can be hard for work to compete. An Accountemps survey published last year revealed that one-third of senior managers surveyed said their employees are less productive the week before a major holiday – and this season is full of them!

At the same time, this is the busiest time of year for most firms whose clients are clamoring to meet year-end goals. Here are five ways managers can get their people to produce top results through the holidays.

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By Tess C. Taylor

Finding it hard to say “no” at work? Very often, women try hard to please everybody, from bosses to clients, but it’s not always the most productive way to get ahead in your career. Saying “no” can actually open up opportunities and provide options for others if used at the right time. Learning to say “no” is a skill that all women should learn to use diplomatically for maximum career benefit.

Even as professional women, many of us were raised thinking that we’re meant to support the needs of others – and as a result, being a “yes girl” comes naturally. It can become painfully obvious in the corporate world that being a people-pleaser whilst trying to stay in touch with personal career goals are opposing factors.

Patti DeNucci, author of “The Intentional Networker: Attracting Powerful Relationships, Referrals & Results in Business,” says that learning to gracefully decline some tasks is, “the essence of not only connecting more intentionally, but living and working more intentionally as well. And as women, we so easily get into the trap of trying to please everyone and be friends with everyone, when a more focused and mindful approach would serve us (and others) much better.”

Saying “no” is a skill every woman can effectively use, at any stage of her career. If you want to experience this focused and balanced approach to managing your career, here are five reasons why you should start saying “no,” and fast.

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