The danger of conventional wisdom is it doesn’t have to be true to influence reality. New research reveals that the gender gaps in career growth between Harvard MBA graduates are not a result of women prioritizing family over career more so than their male peers. Rather, the unspoken assumption they do seems at play in affecting outcomes in their lives.

The “Life and Leadership After HBS” study surveyed 25,000 graduates of the Harvard Business School, majority MBAs, aged 26-67. Marking fifty years since HBS started admitting women to the MBA program, the researchers Ely, Stone, and Ammerman wanted to find out what graduates trained for leadership had to say about their experiences to date with life, work and family.

The study found that, “(All) Harvard MBAs value fulfilling professional and personal lives — yet their ability to realize them has played out very differently according to gender.”

Both male and female graduates marked success early on by career achievement and then both evolved their definition with age and experience to reflect that both profession and personal life mattered to them. Nearly 100% considered quality family and personal relationships highly important.

The researchers found both sexes also equally valued career fulfilment, stating “Their ratings of key dimensions of professional life, such as ‘work that is meaningful and satisfying’ and ‘professional accomplishments,’ were the same, and the majority said that ‘opportunities for career growth and development’ were important to them.” Women actually rated growth and development slightly more than men.

It’s no surprise that high-aptitude Harvard MBA graduates sought both personal and professional fulfilment, but seeking similar things with similar capabilities did not mean that men and women netted similar outcomes.

The Fulfilment Gap

Harvard MBA women did not step back from their career values, but their career opportunities seemed to stepped back from them.

Across three generations of graduates, 50%-60% of men were “extremely satisfied” or “very satisfied” with their experiences of meaningful work, professional accomplishments, opportunities for career growth, and compatibility of work and personal life. Across the dimensions, only 40% to 50% of women were as satisfied.

As their lives progressed, women reported feeling underchallenged by the work and responsibilities they found waiting for them, and subtly “mommy-tracked” right off the career ladder. The study revealed that only 11% of HBS women were out of the workforce for full-time child care – and then often because they were stuck in unfulfilling roles with weak prospects, so most Harvard MBA women were not “opting out”. Rather those seeking challenging part-time roles or flexibility found themselves being placed to the periphery as though they were only part-in.

Beyond that, HBS women working full-time were significantly less likely than their male peers to have direct reports, profit-and-loss responsibility, and positions in senior management, showing the gender bias reflected no matter what.

The researchers shared, “The message (to women) that they are no longer considered ‘players’ is communicated in various, sometimes subtle ways: They may have been stigmatized for taking advantage of flex options or reduced schedules, passed over for high-profile assignments, or removed from projects they once led.”

Importantly, 77% of all HBS graduates, and more women than men, believed that prioritizing family over career was the number one obstacle for women’s career advancement. But the researchers voiced with exasperation that different “choices” that would objectively reflect that priority could not explain the gap in leadership.

“We considered not only whether graduates had gone part-time or taken a career break to care for children, but also the number of times they had done so. We asked about common career decisions made to accommodate family responsibilities, such as limiting travel, choosing a more flexible job, slowing down the pace of one’s career, making a lateral move, leaving a job, or declining to work toward a promotion. Women were more likely than men to have made such decisions — but again, none of these factors explained the gender gap in senior management.”

In fact, previous research has demonstrated that even when working mothers overcome doubts about their workplace commitment through “heroic” efforts to visibly demonstrate it to their employers, they face a secondary form of “normative discrimination”. Hyper-committed mothers are perceived to violate the gender norm that they should be prioritizing family over work, and this projects negative attributes on their personality (not the same for hyper-committed fathers), which in turn harms career development. Hence, “efforts on the part of mothers to overcome doubts about their workplace competence do not eliminate discrimination; these efforts just change the mechanism of discrimination.”

It may be the persistence of the belief that women prioritize family over career (or should) that’s truly at play in tapering the career trajectory of Harvard women.

The Expectation Gap

The Harvard research reported, “we found not just achievement and satisfaction gaps between men and women, but a real gap between what women expect as they look ahead to their careers and where they ultimately land.”

Men started out with more traditional expectations, and life mostly satisfied them. 60% of male graduates expected their career to take priority, and that’s what happened 70% of the time. A strong majority of men expected their partner to take primary childcare responsibility, and 86% of the time, they did.

Women, however, launched their careers with stronger expectations that their partnerships would be equal, but reality fell short. Fewer than a quarter of female graduates expected their partner’s career would take priority, but 40% of the time it did. And while only half of women expected to take primary responsibility for raising children, two-thirds ended up doing so.

The researchers reported, “The fact that HBS alumnae are finding themselves in relationships in which their careers are subordinate to their partners’ more often than they anticipated strikes us as meaningful. Our findings indicate that ending up in less-egalitarian partnerships is disappointing—perhaps especially so when a career has stalled.”

Women whose careers and child care responsibilities were seen as equal to their partners felt more satisfied with their career growth than those in traditional arrangements. Tellingly, men in more equal relationships reported lower career satisfaction, likely thrown against their own expectations and gender norms too.

The Guardian lamented, “Somewhat depressingly it seems that we are still in something of a time warp, with the reality of working life for mothers falling far below expectations and ambitions.”

Who needs to Lean in?

The researchers concluded that, “Women are leaning in”. At least when it comes to Harvard MBA graduates, “Women want more meaningful work, more challenging assignments, and more opportunities for career growth. It is now time, as Anne-Marie Slaughter has pointed out, for companies to lean in, in part by considering how they can institutionalize a level playing field for all employees, regardless of gender or caregiver status.”

The study suggests we need to get beyond the conventional wisdom that a “woman’s primary career obstacle is herself” – and the premises hiding underneath it that silently justify brushing women’s career ambitions discreetly under the corporate rug.

Theglasshammer has an organizational consulting arm called Evolved Employer that specializes in helping companies do the necessary work to ensure the future progress of all employees.