combatting perfectionism
Psychologist Susanna Mittermaier says perfectionism is often fueled by cultural expectations and conditioning, involves a harsh inner critic, ruins people’s capacity to feel joy and needs to be addressed.

She states:

“I grew up in a culture where it was very important to be as perfect as possible, which meant living in the constant fear of judgement and the need to filter everything through the question of: is this perfect enough?” she says. “We must put an end to this for ourselves and the generations to come.”

Mittermaier teaches people how to step out of self-judgement and perfectionistic tendencies in her Right Voice for You course. It invites people to let go of the harsh internal critical voice and make way for their own. Some of her top tips include:

1. Stop judging you

Every judgement defines you and stops positive energy and opportunities from flowing into your world. Every time you judge yourself negatively or harshly it’s like putting the brakes on whatever you’re trying to create in your life.

2. Be willing to let go

Perfectionists can hold onto ideas, projects and contributions in fear of the judgement that will come if they share them before they are 100 percent perfect. Be willing to let these ideas, projects and conversation pieces fly out into the world, whether they’re perfect or not.

3. Don’t look for others approval

If you feel excited about saying, creating or contributing something in your home, workplace or social circles, don’t wait for approval from others (or even your inner critic). Other people’s points of view are not relevant.

3. Don’t wait. Create.

Stop waiting for conditions to be perfect to start creating the experiences you actually want in your life. Give yourself permission to stop worrying about the outcomes (whether things will be perfect or what others will think) and start creating today. Creation starts with one choice. Ask yourself what the first, easy step you could take might be.

4. Your past does not determine who you are in the present or future

Perfectionists have usually judged themselves harshly. They may have never measured up to the expectations of others or that of their own inner critic, which can leave many feeling like a failure. Don’t buy into the story of your past. Instead, start creating your future.

5. Get to know your imperfections

Make a list of your top three imperfections. Then, ask how can you can use each of them to your advantage? If you think you are shy and you believe that is a weakness, ask yourself what the power of shyness is? Shy people are usually great listeners, which can be a great advantage in many work and social settings.

6. Learn to enjoy being imperfect

Perfection is about measuring yourself against the standards of society and others. See your individuality as a resource rather than a liability. Enjoy your imperfection and recognize your difference as a treasure box of gifts then use them to create your life, projects and relationships in a way that is unique to you.

“Perfectionism stops people from being able to express themselves in the world,” Mittermaier says. “Giving up the need to be perfect and allowing your right voice to come through into the world is so liberating for people. I love it when people realize they can do things they’ve been stopping themselves from doing, especially when those things have the capacity to make them happy.”

About the author

Susanna Mittermaier is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and author of the #1 International Bestselling book, “Pragmatic Psychology: Practical Tools for Being Crazy Happy.” A global speaker, she has also been featured in magazines such as TV soap, Women’s Weekly, Empowerment Channel Voice America, Om Times, Motherpedia, Newstalk New Zealand and Holistic Bliss. Susanna offers a new paradigm of therapy called Pragmatic Psychology and is known for her revolutionary perspective on mental illness. Her unique perspective identifies depression, anxiety, ADHD and other forms of mental illness as a capacity that has not yet been acknowledged. Susanna is an internationally accredited Access Consciousness Facilitator, including Right Riches for You, a specialty program of Access Consciousness. She transforms people’s problems and difficulties into possibilities and powerful choices. Follow on Twitter @AccessSusanna.

There are a variety of quotes throughout history that all mean something to the effect of, ‘Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans’.

At this time of year, we start to think about goal setting for 2019.

Call them New Year’s resolutions or good old fashioned hope strategies, but either way, what we are really saying is that we want change. And, change can be hard.

Intentionality is the starting block for change. Knowing that we want to change is key. And better yet, if you can know and articulate where you are now and what the future state might look like then you are further on that you think. However, don’t panic if you do not know all or any of these three elements.

Just start by looking deep inside and being honest with yourself, go for a walk and breathe while you think about these prepared questions to get you started:

1. What stands out for you from 2018?

Note down what thematically or specifically took up your mind, heart or soul. It can be good, bad, neutral but something memorable. It can be an event, thought, insight, learning or feeling. It can be one thing or several things.

2. What are you proud of/did best at in 2018?

Everyone is different. Some of us easily know what we did well at and others ( i am one) sometimes struggle to see just how far we have come. Often high achievers can be insecure and can’t see their amazing myriad of accomplishments, so if this is the case, push yourself to see the good by ‘getting on the balcony’ for a second so you can watch the movie of your life more objectively as well as star in it. You might be surprised by what you learn.

3. What made you happy in 2018?

Simple question, right? Maybe hard to answer so dig deep into all the aspects of your life- career, family, friends, spiritually, fun, money and whatever values matter to you. Then specifically, think about what made you happy at work. Which tasks, interactions, role and responsibilities energized you?

Now, of course even the best goal setting can be derailed by 2 factors and the first factor can be you, yourself! The second is less surprising to guess – yes – others can rain on your parade.

By you, I mean your unconscious mind producing completing agendas (seen as ” i cant do that because I …..e.g. don’t have time).

The conscious mind is an interesting concept, because how much of it drives the bus? If we dare to examine how our values and constructs are often inherited or implicit from our surroundings, we find that some goals are not even what we want anymore, that they have been formed at a different time in our lives for different reasons that no longer work for us. You do not have to autopilot your way through life believing everything you were told by your dad, mom or granny.

It is ok to evolve. Give yourself permission. Best. Holiday. Gift. Ever.

We have coaches who can help you with our sister company www.evolvedpeople.com

Book time now with Nicki Gilmour for a complementary exploration to see if coaching is for you. Or email nicki@evolvedpeople.com

Katie KochGiven the sizable success that Goldman Sachs’ Katie Koch has had in her career, it may seem surprising that failure is one of the factors that drives her.

“Taking risks and refusing to be paralyzed by a fear of failure has served me well,” she says, explaining that she has developed a sound personal philosophy and approach to taking risk. “I approach every challenge with a philosophy that my mom introduced to me and my siblings when she would say, ‘What choice would you make if you knew you would not fail?’”

Taking that approach has allowed Koch to make decisions based on optimism rather than fear and has biased her towards taking calculated risks. “When you’re taking risk repeatedly, you’re naturally going to occasionally fail, so it’s important to view failure as fuel,” she says. A quote that has resonated with her came from an inspiring commencement address by soccer superstar Abby Wambach, who said, “Failure is not something to be ashamed of, it’s something to be POWERED by. Failure is the highest octane fuel your life can run on. You got to learn to make failure your fuel.”

If something doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to, figure out why, and move forward with those lessons, Koch advises.

Taking Risks Leads to Diverse and Rewarding Career Path

Although Koch has spent 16 years with Goldman Sachs, it’s as though she’s had several careers, given the diverse portfolio of experiences she’s had – across different divisions, offices (Chicago, London and New York) and four different business lines. One of her favorite roles is working with incoming talent, and she always makes sure to express how this wealth of opportunities allows professionals at Goldman Sachs to experience a fulfilling career – at one firm.

Koch acknowledges it can be challenging to start over with a new business, team and mandate, but the advantages of working in a new business are immense.

First, she has been able to build a deep network, and secondly, working in different roles allows you to have additional context as you inevitably come across problems you’ve tackled before.

And while she was grateful to be named a partner at the age of 36, the aspect that was most meaningful was having so many people, including her own team, champion her throughout the process. “I believe that the more senior you become, the more dependent your success is on having the best team around you and the right sponsorship above you.”

Living Out a Commitment to Diversity

Koch’s belief in the importance of diversity permeates every aspect of her role at Goldman Sachs. She sees a strong business case for spending time and effort to build diverse teams, and her role helping to lead the equity business – which oversees $65 billion in assets – has proven that diversity of thought is critical to positive investment outcomes. “Successful investing requires the healthy tension of variant perspectives, so it’s a competitive advantage that we have a highly diverse investing team; more than half of our assets are handled by talented portfolio managers who happen to be women, an industry-leading statistic,” she notes.

At the firmwide level, Koch is a champion of Launch With GS, a new initiative that will invest $500 million of the firm’s and its clients’ capital in private, late-stage, women-founded, women-owned or women-led companies, through direct funding, as well as seeding women investment managers who are starting their own funds. “Our ambition is to become a partner of choice for women seeking to scale their businesses and build capital,” she says of the effort.

Sharing Advice That Has Propelled Her Career

Mentoring women is important to Koch, and one lesson that she is quick to impart is that you have to treat a career differently than school. Women in particular excel in the academic environment, where they are rewarded for subject mastery; however, when women transition to a career, they often remain on that path and focus on the content of their role and “keeping their head down.” While it’s vital to be a subject matter expert at your core, she finds women tend to overinvest in this, but chronically underinvest in developing their network.

“I encourage young women to be exceptional at what they do, but also be deliberate in carving out time to meet people in their direct line of business and across their firm, industry and client base, all of which will help you build seniority over the long arc of your career,” she says. “You need to balance what you know with who you know.”

As the beneficiary of a supportive community of other partners, she advises her peers to continue to signal ambition – appropriately of course – and create a plan to articulate career goals to the right people, at the right moment and in the right way.

“It’s so important to think boldly and have a clearly defined top-level goal. Knowing exactly where you want to go allows you to organize your time and efforts toward those aspirational roles,” she says, recommending that while women should focus on outstanding execution in their current role, they should also be asking themselves, “Am I working toward my next job?”

Koch comments, “One of the best ways to prove you are deserving of a job is to act as though you already have the title – even before it is officially yours. That communicates to others that you are hungry, proactive and will bring solutions as a leader.”

One of the programs that was particularly beneficial to Koch was the personal coaching that Goldman Sachs offers, where the coach solicits direct feedback from everyone you work with and provides insight to help you grow as a professional.

Koch noted, “As you achieve early success in your career you can lose sight of how much room there is to improve. This is compounded by the fact that as you get more senior, less people are willing to give you tough feedback directly.”

The coaching process can help you address your blind spots, and Koch found real value in getting this feedback to continue to grow and evolve in her career. She shares, “Once I really opened myself up to the feedback, I learned some profound truths about myself as a professional and a manager. I distinctly remember my coach trying to make the point that people felt shut-down when I interrupted them. I interjected to explain that I don’t interrupt people – I just help them reach a conclusion more quickly. She had to gently point out that I had just interrupted her to explain that I don’t interrupt people!” Taking feedback can be humbling, but Koch believes that self-actualization is only possible when you seek out areas to improve at every stage of your career.

Despite the many hats she wears at work, Koch’s main priority is her family—her husband, two daughters and a son born a few weeks ago. With three children aged four and under, she feels extremely fortunate to have bosses such as Tim O’Neill and Eric Lane, who don’t see successful careers and meaningful family lives as mutually exclusive. “I have had an exceptionally positive experience at Goldman Sachs simultaneously growing my career and my family. I think it underscores the importance for women to choose their employer and their boss wisely.”

“My family is my biggest priority, but I always think of what we say in investing—we won’t get the stock picks right every time, but we try to get it right over time. To me that is the ideal metaphor for integrating life and family. My family can’t come first every time, but they must come first over time, and my goal is to organize my life that way.”

Prior to kids, she and her husband indulged a love of adventure travel; she has been to all seven continents—including Antarctica for her honeymoon—and has climbed extensively from Kilimanjaro to the Alps. For now, most of her adventures take place through books. As an avid reader, she averages about a book a week and frequently trades recommendations with her mom and her team.