5 Tips for More Enjoyment–and Less Stress–This Holiday Season
Contributed By Jude Bijou MA MFT
No matter how fulfilled and productive we feel at our job, the holidays have a way of throwing a wrench into the works. That’s because holidays trigger complicated and challenging emotions, such as loneliness, anxiety, and depression. It may be the first holiday without one’s elderly mother at the table. Or one might start to get that uncomfortable feeling of panic just thinking about upcoming conflicts with difficult family members. And of course, many of us worry about finances, gift ideas, school kids on vacation, to-do lists, work interruptions, and much more.
Despite all of this angst, holidays give us the opportunity to feel joy, love, and peace–if we can find ways to enjoy downtime, appreciate family and friends, and put stress aside. Here are some practical ways to make one’s holiday calmer, less stressful, and more joyful this year.
Give with Your Heart
Many people find that gift shopping is the single most problematic “chore” associated with the holidays. If gift-giving is part of your holiday tradition, here’s an easy way to make it less burdensome. Close your eyes and think about each person for a moment. What pops into your mind? Try to come up with a gift that’s personal and from your heart–something that’s thoughtful and fits the person. Nonmaterial gifts are sometimes the best and most memorable of all. For example: a hand-drawn card with a message, or a short video of you reciting 10 reasons you appreciate this person. Gifts from the heart increase feelings of joy, in you and in the recipient.
Only Say “Yes” to the Best
Some of us receive numerous invitations–to holiday benefits, neighborly functions, office parties, book club dinners, family functions, and on and on. It’s easy to become overwhelmed at holiday time with party invitations–and then feel burnt out, overstuffed, and exhausted. You don’t have to say yes to everything and everyone. Here’s a simple tip. Before you say “yes” to an invitation, close your eyes and see if you can identify how saying yes would feel. Usually, we immediately know if we’re excited and happy, or feeling obliged and full of dread. You can always say that you have too many functions to attend, and it’s a conflict for you. (True enough.) Don’t agree to host or organize an event unless you have a partner to help.
Make a Holiday Spreadsheet
You’re organized at work, so use those same smarts to prepare for the onslaught of holiday chores and appointments. Make a list of everything that needs to be done so you minimize anxiety and the feeling that there’s just too much to do and not enough time. This could include card writing, party organizing, shopping, cooking, work deadlines, travel/lodging arrangements, and family/friend communications. Schedule your to-dos on specific days so they don’t pile up close to the holiday. Once you start ticking off tasks one by one, you won’t feel so agitated as the holidays approach.
Remember the “Message”
Whenever you find yourself feeling frantic, annoyed, or upset, remind yourself that the holidays are about being thankful, giving, and loving. It can help to repeat a “mantra” such as, “This time of year is about joy, love, and peace.” Sometimes in the frenzy to buy gifts, we forget that giving is a way to show love for another person. When you start to get tangled up in holiday anxiety, ask yourself, “What can I do that will show my love for this person? What will make them happy? How can I help?” Holidays are a great time for service. Take dinner to a struggling family, or visit an elderly friend. Doing something selfless is one of the best remedies for holiday stress.
Mind Your Physical and Emotional Health
Learn to release your emotions physically and constructively; don’t bury them or you’ll just feel more stress. If you feel sadness, maybe perhaps because this is the first year a loved one will not be around, allow yourself a good cry. If you know you’ll feel angry at the antics of an annoying in-law, pound or stomp out the anger when you’re in a private place. And if you feel scared because you’re bringing someone new home with you, allow yourself to shake and shiver before knocking on the door. Also, be moderate in terms of eating out and partying. Make sure you get lots of sleep and alone time.
Want to find out more about attitudes and reactions that may affect your holidays? Take a quick self-quiz here, and then try the coping strategies designed to address them.
Jude Bijou, MA, MFT, is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, consultant, and workshop leader. Her theory of Attitude Reconstruction® evolved over the course of more than 30 years working with clients as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and is the subject of her award-winning book, Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life. Learn more at www.attitudereconstruction.com.
Guest advice and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com
