Gender Judo: How to negotiate a pay raise

Guest contribution By Dr. Joan C. Williams

Studies show that 57 percent of men but only 7 percent of women negotiate their starting salaries—but when women do negotiate people are less likely to hire them or want to work with them. So helping women get equal pay is not as easy as telling them to “just ask.”

If you feel reluctant to negotiate, it may be because that, at some subconscious level, you’re afraid you’ll be seen as not a team player—or worse still, as arrogant and overreaching. Don’t ignore that instinct. Social science shows there’s something there. All four patterns of gender bias can be triggered by asking for a raise:

1) Prove It Again! Men tend to be judged on their potential; women on what they’ve already accomplished. A study by A study by Knobloch-Westerwick, Glynn, & Huge showed that women need to have achieved roughly twice as much to be seen as equally competent with men.
2) The Tightrope. High-levels jobs define competence in terms of qualities seen as masculine—whether it’s leadership skills or technical competence—but women are expected to be feminine. Women are supposed to be selfless team players attuned to everyone else’s needs. That’s why asking for a raise makes you seem somehow “off.” You just clearly don’t know the right way to be a woman.
3) The Maternal Wall. If you’re a mother, a 2007 study by Shelley Correll and co-authors shows, you’re likely to be offered an average of $11,000 less—because everyone knows a mother’s committed to her children, not her job.
4) Tug of War. Sometimes gender bias against women turns into conflict among women, as when a more senior woman insists you try longer and achieve more before asking for a raise “because that’s what it takes to be successful as a woman.”

Alas, girl, those are the risks—but they are risks you can control. In some workplaces, just keeping your head down and doing fabulous work is enough. But not in most. Why? The men will be out there asking for raises, for two reasons. First, they don’t have to worry that gender bias will make them look bad. Second, gender pressures on men are to be a “successful” man—to make more money. So while gender pressures on women discourage them from seeking raises, gender pressures on men leave them with little choice but to do so—early and often. (Does it surprise you why women’s economic progress stalled out in the 1990s?)

Here’s the recipe:
1) Just the facts ma’am. Remember that recruiter who keeps calling you, who you keep telling that you’re happy where you are? She’s your new best friend. Recruiters know exactly what you should be making. Make friends with her, and tell her that when you are ready, she’ll be who you’ll call—and that you’ll tell your friends to call her, too. Or ask a guy friend you can trust how much he’s making. Or ask human resources if people think they can be trusted to keep the inquiry confidential. Or ask for information that gives you the data you need, e.g. “Is there anyone else who’s brought in as much business as men who is making the same as me?” Be careful: some employers prohibit employees from sharing information about salaries (although that’s illegal in some states, notably California). Note that, if you work for the government or a federal contractor, salaries are often public information.
2) I’m not bragging; I’m just worth it. Having the facts at your fingertips not only put you objectively in a stronger bargaining position. It allows you to ask for a raise without seeming to brag: self-promotion often triggers pushback (stronger from other women than from men—but strong from both). This is why the “just the facts” approach is advisable; but you need to be sure to highlight that you’ve met or surpassed any applicable objective metrics.
3) Gender judo. Women are supposed to be modest and attuned to the comfort levels of others. Fine. So say you need a raise because someone senior to you told you it was important to negotiate for a raise. (What a good girl!) Or because it will send an important message to your team that their work is valued. (What a team player!) Or ask for the raise but ask to brainstorm ways to ensure that X does not feel his contributions are overlooked. (What a thoughtful woman!) Whatever works.
4) Especially if you are a mother, link the raise with a plan to reach your career goals. A mother asking for a raise?!?!? Remember it may be assumed that your priorities are spending time with your children, accompanied by worries you may have lost your edge. So precede your campaign for a raise by meeting with your supervisor, with clear career goals: “Can we meet to discuss what I need to do to be ready for X challenge in Y time?” The message: I may be a mother but I also am committed to my career.

Remember, if you don’t ask for a raise, chances are you won’t get one, or won’t get one as fast as you otherwise would have, which will put you behind for the next raise. And remember, too, that guys all around you are asking for raises. You need to do it. And now you have a roadmap of exactly how.

Guest advice and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com