Why It Can Feel So Much More Lonely at the Top for Women

Contributed by Inge Woudstra, Founding Director of Mum & Career

Once in a leadership role, many women report feeling on their own, lonely, and lacking support. You know you are good at your job and your promotion was deserved. But how do you treat your team members who were your peers only yesterday? You wonder: “Can I still have a chat, or join in a joke?” And you can’t help noticing, but why on earth does the conversation suddenly stop at the water cooler when you approach? Can you no longer be friends?

It’s not just that. Now that you are in a leadership position you find it increasingly hard to know who to take into confidence about the issues on your desk, and especially the people-issues. You don’t want to break confidentiality, but it’s sure hard to not talk about them at all.

Your fellow leaders don’t seem an option. They seem to have turned hostile overnight, and give you a sense they are competing with you. Why do you suddenly have to compete with everyone? Surely you deserve some support?!

These are thoughts women typically have a lot more than most men when they are promoted, and it makes them feel lonely. It’s not something to be ashamed of, not at all.

But it doesn’t have to be lonely for women. You can have fun and be the top dog, and it’s not even that hard to do once you know how it works.

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Do You Want to Be Perfect or Do You Want to be Powerful?

Contributed by CEO Coach Henna Inam

Are you a perfectionist? Do you feel like nothing is ever really good enough until it’s perfect? Like many of us, do you try to be the perfect person for every situation or role you play? If you’re like me, you want the intelligence and tenacity of Hillary Clinton and the thighs of Ms. Universe (even the complete package of Mrs. Clinton isn’t good enough!!).

After years of struggling with applying high standards to everything (including myself) I’m beginning to realize that there is a large space between being perfect and being powerful. I’ve realized that if I want to reach my true leadership potential, I have to stop trying to be perfect. I work with my executive coaching clients to help them see that as well.

True story. About a year ago, I dropped my smartphone and the glass screen cracked, although the phone still worked. At first, I didn’t want to spend the money to get a new phone since my contract wasn’t done. Then it became an interesting experiment, a fun makeshift Rorschach test (remember the inkblot test that psychologists use to evaluate what we’re really thinking?)

As I would carry the phone with its cracked glass, some friends suggested that someone of my status really shouldn’t be carrying a cracked phone. What would “they” think? Other people would look at it with distaste. Really, I should have higher standards. As high-achievers, many of us set ourselves up for meeting impossible standards of being “perfect” according to some external (media, parents’, friends’) definition of perfection. Oftentimes buried under that need is the belief that unless we’re perfect, we’re not good enough. We hide the “cracks in our glass” for fear of not being accepted as we are. Mostly it’s because we don’t accept ourselves as we are.

The real reason I carry around my phone now is to remind myself, “I may not be perfect but I still work”! What’s this got to do with leadership? Actually, the only place to start any leadership growth is from where we are – a place of acceptance of our imperfections. Our attachment to perfection can actually hinder our performance and potential in five ways:

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What You Need to Know about the EU’s Proposed Quotas for Women on Boards

By Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

Last month, the European Union’s Justice Commissioner Viviane Reding announced a new proposal that will push companies to hire more women directors. Modeled on Norway’s 40% quota for women on boards, the directive includes three major provisions:

1. Supervisory boards must be 40 percent female, and if they aren’t, priority must be given to equally qualified female candidates to fill these non-director roles.
2. When it comes to executive director spots, companies will have the option to set their own gender targets (a “flexi-quota”), and report on them.
3. Each member state will set its own sanctions for companies that do not follow the rules.

The focus of the directive is large, publicly listed EU companies. Those with more than 250 employees and global sales over 50 million Euros will have to comply by 2020. State-owned companies will have until 2018 to comply. According to Bloomberg, that totals about 5,000 companies. The proposal still has to pass the EU Parliament and the EU Council before becoming a law.

Suzanne Horne, a UK-based employment law partner at the global firm Paul Hastings, remarked, “The proposal signals that this issue – boardroom gender diversity – will be very much at the forefront of the corporate agenda over the next decade. And Europe seems very much to be leading the way on this issue.”

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Voice of Experience: Sue Rissbrook, UK Partner, PwC

By Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

Sue Rissbrook, UK Partner at PwC, says her advice to professional women is “being true to yourself, being who you feel you truly are, and supporting others.”

She recently moved to PwC’s London office after working in the smaller Birmingham office mainly partnered by men, and was pleasantly surprised by what she found. “I’ve now walked into a diverse set of partners. I see far more of my peers are female and I see them being very supportive of one another, which impacts positively on all partners and the team.”

“We’re supportive, creative, and entrepreneurial, and I think that’s fantastic for people to see,” she added.

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Women in Law: Being Strategic about Career Success

By Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

Earlier this week, Working Mother Media hosted a panel on key factors for women’s advancement in law. The panel, hosted by Deborah Epstein Henry, Founder and President of Flex-Time Lawyers, and author of Law and Reorder: Legal Industry Solutions for Restructure, Retention, Promotion & Work/Life Balance, discussed opportunities for women to take charge of their career path.

The speakers included Susan L. Lees, Executive Vice President and General Counsel of Allstate Insurance Co., Andra Shapiro, Executive Vice President Business Affairs & General Counsel, Nickelodeon / Viacom Media Network, Lewis Steverson, Senior Vice President, General Counsel and Secretary to the Board, Motorola Solutions, Inc., and Julie Sweet, General Counsel, Secretary and Chief Compliance Officer, Accenture.

Henry remarked that the panel was designed to tackle the strategic side of career advancement that many women find challenging. “All we think is that we have to be good, that we’ve done the work – we’re worker bees – and that we don’t need the recognition.”

The reality couldn’t be farther from the truth though, she continued. In a competitive job market, being a good worker is a prerequisite for success. But effectively leveraging that success for advancement is what propels you to the top.

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Thought Leaders: Natalia Oberti Noguera, Founder & CEO, Pipeline Fellowship

thought-leadershipAccording to the Center for Venture Research at the University of New Hampshire, only 12 percent of angel investors last year were women. Only three percent are people of color.

But a new program has set out to change that – as well as increase funding to women-led for-profit social ventures. Natalia Oberti Noguera, founder of the Pipeline Fellowship, explained that many women are interested in angel investing – but haven’t had a lot of exposure to it. At the same time, women-led startups often lack access to networks of early-stage funders. And many investors have trouble seeing the business sense in for-profit social ventures.

The Pipeline Fellowship works to boost all of these groups, bringing funds to these types of startups (women-led for-profit social ventures), while encouraging women to confidently enter the angel investing space. Oberti Noguera remarked, “Hybrid ventures need more hybrid investors who understand and value the triple bottom line.”

Plus, she said, the result is more diversity in the startup space – on the entrepreneurial side and on the investor side. “There’s a huge lack of diversity in the angel community,” she explained, and investors tend to fund companies run by people who look like themselves. “What I’m interested in doing is turning on its head that pattern recognition and that familiarity. By getting more women and people of color into the community, we can fund more ventures led by women and people of color.”

Now entering its second year, the Fellowship has introduced a diverse range of women to angel investing – from senior leaders in the Fortune 500 to entrepreneurs and other professionals. “Many people – even ones who work in the financial services – have said they have no idea how to conceptualize investing in an early stage company, but that interest is there,” she explained. “Also, learning to invest in a startup gave one Pipeline Fellowship graduate the confidence to engage more with her financial adviser.”

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Movers and Shakers: I. Javette Hines, Senior Vice President and Head of Supplier Diversity and Sustainability, Citi

By Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

To Illonka Javette Hines, having a diverse set of interests is a big part of being a successful professional. But it took some time before she learned to share her more artistic side with others.

“I think starting out, I wish I had known that I didn’t have to limit myself,” she said. “I could still be an artist and be a professional person.”

Hines, a published poet and Head of Supplier Diversity and Sustainability at Citi, explained, “You have to do the things you’re passionate about, because that’s going to drive you as a professional. And when you’re talking about your interests at work, it’s okay to share that side of yourself. People want to know about that human side of you.”

And, she continued, it’s also okay to let personal interests be just that – interests. You don’t have to be flawless at every hobby you pick up. “Even if you’re not perfect at it, it’s still okay to go for it. I’m learning to play the guitar, and that doesn’t mean I need to be at the level of perfection. It just means you have to try your best.”

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Turn Your Great Ideas Into Reality: Four Manageable Steps to Execute Your Business Brilliance

BeateCheletteContributed by Beate Chelette

Isn’t it the truth that we have these great ideas but somehow they get lost in the shuffle? As time goes by, these great ideas wane from our consciousness and soon they are forgotten. But let’s look a little deeper into how you can actualize those ideas.

The Nike slogan “Just Do It” sums it up for most of us. Don’t you wish you could just do that all the time? Why is it that we tend to postpone our goals and get sidetracked? How good is your brilliant idea if you can’t just do it? I know I’m not the only one who wonders how everything can get done in time, but here’s how I handle it: I trick my mind.

In order to get everything done I have to figure out the “how” first. And that usually starts with focusing on what’s the most important… but that’s easier said than done. What is truly and honestly the most important thing for you? Is it work, health, your relationship, your children, family or money? Once you have your true priority straight, take a look at what that means for your daily routine.

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Breaking into the Corporate Space: Advice for Experienced Hires

By Robin Madell (San Francisco)

So you’ve been running your own business for a while, but you’re ready to break into the corporate space. How can you do it? It’s not always easy to show your value to corporations when you’ve been living the life of an entrepreneur.

But whether you’re hoping to land more corporate clients as a consultant, or want to make the leap to a full-time corporate position, there are things you can do as a potential experienced hire to best position yourself for success. In fact, consulting to a corporate client may help you work your way in. Here’s how to parlay a consulting relationship into a full-time gig.

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Why Are Women of Color Excluded from Conversations about Work-Life Balance?

By Tina Vasquez (Los Angeles)

In the past three or four months we’ve seen the publication of a number of controversial articles regarding women and the idea of having it all or being perfect, including Why Women Should Stop Trying to be Perfect by Debora Spar and Anne-Marie Slaughter’s much-discussed Why Women Still Can’t Have It All, both of which essentially discuss the seemingly never-ending quest for work-life balance – or as Slaughter writes, figuring out “how to combine professional success and satisfaction with a real commitment to family.” Both articles and many like them cover the same topics we’ve been reading about for years and despite the rapidly changing demographics of the U.S., both fail at being inclusive of women of color (WOC).

To be fair, Slaughter touches on the subject – slightly, writing that she is “well aware that the majority of American women face problems far greater than any discussed in this article. I am writing for my demographic — highly educated, well-off women who are privileged enough to have choices in the first place.” Clearly Slaughter can’t speak on experiences she hasn’t had, but acknowledging that she’s only speaking to – and for – a small percentage of women while skirting the issue of race doesn’t really convey that she truly understands her privilege. She continues:

“Millions of other working women face much more difficult life circumstances. Some are single mothers; many struggle to find any job; others support husbands who cannot find jobs. Many cope with a work-life in which good day care is either unavailable or very expensive; school schedules do not match work schedules; and schools themselves are failing to educate their children. Many of these women are worrying not about having it all, but rather about holding on to what they do have.”

Still, no real mention WOC or the unique challenges, hardships, and prejudices they face in academia and the workplace. So many of these types of articles discuss feminism and sisterhood, all while framing the discussion as if minority women don’t exist.

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