Contributed by Beate Chelette
The recent Atlantic cover story on whether or not women can “have it all” has certainly hit a national nerve. The week after the article came out it had received more than 1.1 million online views. Women and men all around the country are registering their objection or approval of author, mother of two, and former State Department official Anne-Marie Slaughter’s premise that the ‘70s feminist mantra of “having it all” is, in reality, not so easy – and maybe not even possible unless women push for changes in society.
Women who juggle career and family know well how tough it can be. I certainly do. I nurtured a baby and a start-up alone, after my divorce, squeezing time to write my business plan in between my day-to-day duties as a single mom. I worked past midnight many nights and on weekends to get everything done – and it was exhausting.
As a former corporate director, and now an entrepreneur and professional career coach, I’ve trained and worked with hundreds of professional women – and men – who say they feel overwhelmed by trying to “do it all.” Reality check – come on, who doesn’t feel this way? There is always something that needs pressing attention and hardly enough time in a day to get things done – ever.
But there is a better way than running after your life and trying to catch up 24/7. Let’s take a closer look. As women, many of us spend our lives wondering where we are and, in the words of that old Talking Heads song, “How did I get here?” This is not some existential malaise, a sense that the world is too much for us. This is real. It is real because over the last few decades all we did was add more to our workload. From having been focused entirely on home and kids, things are decidedly different.
Women have had 50 years of breakthroughs in society, becoming more the equal, but still not the equal, of men in earning-power and opportunities. But, we are the same as far as responsibilities are concerned. Here is the issue though: the majority of us can’t outsource having children (albeit I do see a celebrity trend emerging). And because we continue to find a partner, tie the knot, and set out to start families, we in essence continue to do all we ever did – plus add all the new exciting stuff like career, money, and feeling good about ourselves.
Because it is so overwhelming and because we have close to no role models that show us how it can be done successfully, we end up and remain self-doubting, self-sabotaging, self-hating, even. Why? Because what is on our plate is impossible to manage. When I was going through some of these things myself, I also wanted to figure out why this was. And Iwanted to find a solution – one that could help women everywhere. And, I did.
The solution is a concept I named ego-Rhythm. It states in its simplest essence that there is a designated time where you have everything in ONE rhythm at a time. You can have it all, over time, and eventually all at once, but it’s a process.
By Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)