From Management to Leadership: Next-Level Listening Skills

Contributed by John Keyser, Founder and Principal of Common Sense Leadership

Working with a number of highly successful CEOs, I’ve learned that of all the business acumen they have acquired over the years, many assert that attentive listening has been the number one key to their effectiveness.

And, not surprisingly, when surveying team members of leaders who were seeking to improve their leadership skills, listening was frequently cited as the needed area for improvement. In 360-assessments and other surveys administered on behalf of my clients, this has been the most frequent feedback from team members:

• “my boss needs to a better listener”
• “she/he needs to listen to our ideas”
• “she/he doesn’t listen to me, which indicates to me that he doesn’t really care about me”

Our ability to retain what we hear is substantially limited. In fact, surveys reveal that in general, we only remember 20% to 50% of what we hear. A Harvard Business Review article cites research that indicates that within 48 hours, we only retain 25% of what we’ve heard.

So, while many people think that they are good listeners, they’re actually not!

Fortunately, listening, like all other skills, can be improved! And you can be assured that improving your listening will also improve your leadership and your overall success. With specific self-observation practices, anyone can begin to improve their listening.

Take for example one of my clients, a financial services executive, who was frustrated and felt stuck. She believed her career within the company she worked for had plateaued. She also observed that her direct reports were not as engaged with her personally as she would like. In our work together, I gathered feedback from these team members and learned that many of them felt as if she did not listen to them. They noted that she tended to jump to conclusions before they finished speaking. It bothered them that she sometimes even finished their sentences for them.

My client was completely surprised by the feedback she received. Nevertheless, she immediately went to work on changing these habits. In a short amount of time, she began noticing a difference in how her team members interacted with her and with one another. The spirit and enthusiasm of her team members increased. Her improved listening was definitely noticed and appreciated. The change was also reflected in her team’s financial results, which exceeded the outlined goals.

Listening and Gender

Actually, this was a somewhat unusual situation. Women are generally much better listeners than men. That has been validated in my work with my clients, specifically in the ratings and comments from 360 assessments.

Attentive and purposeful listening is essential to highly effective leadership. This is an advantage that women have over men. Would we regularly hear the we vs. they dynamic of middle management vs. senior management and field vs. home office if there were more women in top roles? I don’t think so. Listening makes a huge and positive difference.

What I’d like to see is women point out just how important listening is and to be role models, and even help their companies become listening companies, companies that listen to not only their clients, also to their people. That is transformation, and best be lead by women.

Improving Listening Skills

Another essential part of listening is tuning into nonverbal cues. For example, when a marketing executive told me she was committed to calling a prospective client that she had been dreading calling for weeks, I sensed a change in her voice, a little less confidence, a hesitancy. To be helpful, I asked, “What would make it easier for you to make that call?” We spent a few minutes discussing that, and she concluded that the person would probably respect her for making the call, that nothing ventured was nothing gained. We exchanged text messages later that day, and she thanked me for asking her that probing question. She reported that she had had an excellent conversation with the prospect. That was thanks to my being aware of a hesitation, a lack of commitment, in her voice.

From my own experience, I can also confirm that the practice of attentive listening makes a difference. When I committed myself to improving my listening skills, I began by using self-observation practices during conversations with clients, colleagues, family, friends, and even strangers in the store check-out lines. After these conversations, I would take a moment to think about how well I listened and how I sensed the other person felt. I jotted down my observations and feelings in a dedicated notebook.

Within the first week after I committed to this exercise, I was complimented for my attentive listening during several client meetings. In another instance, my sister also thanked me for listening to her with interest about her landscape business and her plans for the year.

By these stories, my hope is that you can now understand and appreciate the difference that intentional listening can make. If so, here are five tips that can instantly make a difference in your listening skills:

• Decide that you want to become a better listener. Having an attitude that you want to become a more attentive listener is the first step. By making this conscious decision, you will instantly become more aware of when you’re listening and when you’re not.
• Quiet your mind. Although difficult, make every effort to suspend assessing, judging and problem solving. Do not think about what you’ll say when another person is talking. Let those thoughts and others float out of your head as if they are clouds.
• Focus on what the other person is saying, and not saying. Pay attention to the tone of voice and body language. Such clues can be indicators of non- verbal communication.
• Lean in towards the person and have comfortable eye contact. Smile and nod when appropriate. These are signals of affirmation and that you are listening to understand.
• Ask questions about what is said. Clarifying and follow up questions shows respect. It communicates that you care and you have a desire to really understand the other person’s perspective.

No matter how good a listener you may think you are, there is always room for improvement. By recognizing the importance of listening, and making a commitment to improving, the quality of your leadership and relationships will definitely improve.

John Keyser is the founder and principal of Common Sense Leadership. He works with executives helping them develop organizational cultures that will produce outstanding financial results year after year, and a striving for continuous improvement, theirs and their team’s. His contact information is john@johnkeysercoach.com and 202-236-2800.