Don’t Let Lateral Anxiety Derail Your Career Ambition

By EJ Thompson (New York City)

A coworker of mine, Kate, recently got promoted alongside two other female coworkers, all of whom who had been at the company for the same amount of time. But suddenly, about two weeks after the promotions, there was some internal shifting within the company. Kate was moved laterally to an independent role, meaning she will be reporting to no one but herself. The other two women, on the other hand, are technically on the same level as her, but are still directly reporting to managers. It was, unsurprisingly, a rough couple of days within the department.

Kate was thrilled about this extra move – it was going to give her more time to work on her own projects, really throw herself into them, showing her talent and most likely opening doors for further promotions. For the two other women she had initially been promoted next to though, it was a moment for bitterness, a touch of understandable jealousy, and some resentment that they were not chosen. And this reaction weighed on Kate as well.

Instead of owning her promotion, being proud and excited about the extra boost, she spent the majority of her time worrying about what the other two women were thinking about her. Instead of being proud (yet modest!), what she was mostly concerned with was what the other women were saying about her, what they thought happened, and whether or not there was any way she could correct their misperceptions. Sound familiar? Why do we let lateral anxiety get us down?

You Can Be Nice and Competitive

According to Nan Mooney, author of I Can’t Believe She Did That: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work, many women in the workplace suffer from “the nice syndrome,” where, she explained, since “girls are generally taught to get along and encouraged to be nice to others…in the workforce that manifests itself as women who feel uncomfortable in direct competition with others.” Women are not taught to compete, therefore we feel we shouldn’t try to get ahead if it makes us look competitive. This isn’t right. But it seems, unfortunately, to be true.

None of these three women expressed their discontent openly. It was all expressed in hushed whispers, mumbled in cubicles, grumbled in elevators. To Kate, the anxiety and fear of having hurt someone’s feelings, or worrying that she might come off looking like a villain, was prohibiting her from being pleased that her hard work had been recognized and that she deserved the promotion she got. And frankly, even if she had marched into her office the day the internal shifting had begun and asked for the second move she got, she absolutely should have done that. She went for what she wanted in her career, and she got it, and she shouldn’t be resented for being bold and confident.

According to Mooney, competitiveness in women has traditionally seen as a “taboo subject,” and “anti-woman.” This ends up working against women, because when “women are afraid to raise a problem…it goes underground, and it comes out in a twisted way.” What we need to know is that it actually is okay to be competitive; we shouldn’t feel sneaky about it. In fact, Mooney’s research proves that women are equally as competitive as men, we just unfortunately express it in a detrimental way, so as not to destroy the illusion that women “shouldn’t” be competitive. We perpetuate our own stereotype.

Overcoming Risk Aversion

But the aversion to appearing competitive should not be considered a mere side effect of some “mean girls” phenomenon. It also to applies to interactions with our male coworkers and to our managers as well.

For example, anxiety over telling your boss you’re looking for a lateral move in your company can make your job shift that much more difficult. It can be hard to tell a manager you like and respect that you’re not completely happy with your position.

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne would probably attribute these anxieties in part to one gender gap that exists in the workplace: “risk aversion.” In a recent Psychology Today article, she explained that women will avoid confrontation and “risky” situations or suggestions like presenting bold ideas, asking for a raise, voicing opposition. She wrote:

“A female employee’s risk aversion can have a host of negative consequences. She is less likely to risk her boss’s disapproval by asking for a raise.  She’s less willing to make risky business decisions. Her supervisors see her as lacking in the cut-throat entrepreneurial skills that will lead her to seek new and potentially lucrative investments or striking out in new directions with bold ideas.”

Is it worth risking fulfilling a career goal just to avoid a certain reputation? Of course not.

On a personal note, I recently took my own advice and made a huge step in telling my manager I was considering moving on. As scary as it was, it couldn’t have gone better. Did I feel unbelievably relieved and appreciative of the support he gave me for being so upfront? You bet I did! But I’m still not completely cured of risk aversion. Getting over lateral anxiety is a slow process, but at least I’ve made a start.