Movers and Shakers: Ellen Galinsky, Co-Founder and President, Families and Work Institute

By Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

“My biggest piece of advice,” said Ellen Galinsky, Co-Founder and President of the Families and Work Institute and a pioneer in the study of work-life issues, “is don’t think that tension will totally disappear. We will always have some work-life tension.”

Galinsky’s work has spanned decades and subjects – parents, children, men, women – and she’s gained key insight into the evolution of the problems faced by working parents.

“I think a lot of mothers worry about how their work will affect their child. But the fact is, the real impact on your children comes from the kind of relationship you have with them. Decades of studies have shown that work doesn’t have that much of an impact — you as parents do! So ask yourself, “what kind of parent do I want to be?”

Galinsky’s most recent work shows that more men are reporting work-life conflict than women. The Institute’s new report, The New Male Mystique [PDF], examines the reason behind it – and why it’s important for women.

Finding and Following the Work-Life Question

“My career has been following questions,” Galinsky began. “I’ve followed questions I thought were the most important to ask and begin to find answers for. I think of my work as an adventure.”

Galinsky’s interest in work and family issues stemmed from her background in child development. “It’s been the anchor of my career,” she said. After graduating from Vassar College, she went to Bank Street College as a teacher in its lab school, at the same time enrolling in its graduate school, from which she earned a Master of Science in Child Development/Education. She spent a number of years as a teacher and then as a coordinator of an early childhood program, she said, to gain experience and understanding into what children were learning – “as opposed to what we thought we were teaching,” she explained.

“During this time, I began to hear parents talking about what they thought was a unique and personal problem – work and family life. There weren’t even words to describe it. It wasn’t a field,” she said.

She explained that her colleagues in Europe reported hearing about similar concerns. She realized it wasn’t an isolated problem, and together, they applied for a grant from the Ford Foundation in the 1970s to study work and family issues.

Based on this research, Galinsky wrote a book was called The Six Stages of Parenthood, which focused on the ways parents grow. “We think about how kids grow and change, but how parents develop is often ignored,” she said.

“Each question leads to an answer, but to more questions too,” she explained. “In the beginning of our studies on work and family life, we didn’t know what which variables to put into our studies.”

Galinsky and FWI went on to research work-life questions as they pertain to parents and children, elder care, technology, and how the work-life conflict affects men.

“Looking back on my work, though, I’m most proud of my latest book Mind in the Making. I have always hoped that what I do will make a difference and will change the way people think about an issue. I am proud to say that in this book, I have found that there are life skills we can cultivate in our children that will help them thrive now and in the future.”

She continued, “At the Families and Work Institute, we always try to break new ground. We were also among the first to find predictable patterns in parents’ growth and the first to ask children how they felt about their employed mothers and fathers.”

The Male Mystique

In 2008, FWI published a paper entitled “Times are Changing.” Galinsky explained, “We saw that men were now experiencing more work-family conflict than women. It was very surprising, and frankly, we didn’t understand it.”

Galinsky said she worries about the lives of men these days. This may seem strange, she continued, considering the shockingly low numbers of women at the top of corporate America and the wage gap between women and men. “We haven’t solved the issue of women and advancement and pay – so why should we worry about men?”

But, she pointed out, “We know that now women are now more highly educated than men. We can also see in our data that males’ health is declining. We thought there must be something happening.”

The Institute decided to delve further into the data, with FWI researcher Kerstin Aumann taking the lead. “It wasn’t until we saw the finding that fathers are working more hours than non-fathers of the same ages that we had an idea of what was going on,” she said.

“We know that fathers want to be more involved with their children, and it led to the notion of the “new male mystique,” finding that men are now facing almost what women faced when they went into the workforce in large numbers.”

But it isn’t increasing home responsibilities that are causing the most work-life conflict for men. It’s that they are working longer and longer hours. Men’s work-life conflict, by and large, stems from wanting a robust family life, while also feeling the need to be the primary breadwinner.

In a recent piece in the Huffington Post, Galinsky explained:

“In the national study, men who were working more hours then they wished (54% of men) were asked why they did so. Overall, 47% say that they need the money, 16% say they couldn’t keep their jobs if they tried to reduce their hours, and 14% say that they need to work hours to keep up with the demands of their jobs. In an economy where men’s wages have remained flat or declined slightly and where jobs are increasingly insecure, men want and need to be good breadwinners as well as involved fathers.

Today, men are experiencing what women experienced when they first entered the workforce in record numbers — the pressure to ‘do it all in order to have it all.’ This is the essence of the ‘new male mystique.’”

Why should women be interested in the report? Galinsky said, “When anyone shares the care of a home or child, there is going to be some tension. It’s automatic – it’s a normal part of becoming a couple.”

“That said, it’s an incredibly wonderful thing that men want to be involved with children. That to me is a really good change. The challenge is to learn to when and how to agree and to disagree.”

She added, “As part of a 2003 study, ‘Leaders in a Global Economy,’ we found that dual-centric women and men (those who prioritize both their work and their family lives) were the least stressed, where those who were work-centric (always putting work first) were the most stressed. Having multiple roles is good for you and your health.”

The Importance of Work-Life Boundaries

Galinsky said one way to alleviate work-life tension is to create transitions. She said, “There aren’t clear boundaries anymore—we are often thinking of home when we are at work and thinking of work when we are at work.”

“Identify a place in the road where you say you’re switching off – and really try to be where you are.”

She continued, “In my ‘Ask the Children’ study and book, I found that kids didn’t think their parents liked their jobs – but parents said they did. Often, we come home with the bad things, and we forget that kids are learning about work from their parents.”

“Remember to say the good things as much as the bad things,” she recommended.

She also advised that small changes can make a big difference. “It can be waking up fifteen minutes earlier or picking out your outfit before you go to bed. It’s just doing those little things that alleviate tension, that could mean not coming home in a bad mood.”

She advised professional women to find people ton mentor or help and to be sure to give back when possible. “Be the kind of role model that you would want to have – ask what your legacy will be,” she said. “People who think about their legacy seem to be happier, based on our research.”

And, she added, “Take time to celebrate successes.”

In Her Personal Time

In her personal time, Galinsky enjoys photography, having shown her work across the New York area. Her husband is also an artist. “I also enjoy spending time with my grown kids, and thankfully they seem to enjoy spending time with us,” she said with a chuckle.

“Both of my children have found work they care about, and that’s a wonderful place for them to be,” she added.