Ask-a-Career-Coach: Stop Waiting for Feedback
Contributed by executive coach Ann Daly, Ph.D.
Do you know what your boss really thinks of you?
Not really? Well, you’re in good company. It’s an open secret that women don’t get as much performance feedback as their male colleagues. It could be that male managers fear an “emotional response,” or it could be that they fear being perceived as harsh or harassing. Whatever the reason, women are denied a crucial ingredient in professional development and advancement. Because without specific, timely, and ongoing feedback, it’s much harder for you to build your capacities and your career.
So what’s a girl to do?
Stop waiting. If your boss isn’t going to initiate the conversation, then start it yourself! Feedback is one of the many things (like promotions, raises, assignments, mentors, and information) that you may have to ask for.
Here’s how.
Name the behavior. Our culture sees evaluation as punitive rather than pedagogical. So it’s no surprise that your boss may not want to offend you with criticism, however constructive. Let her/him know it’s okay, even welcome: “I’d really appreciate your feedback.”
Frame the conversation. Make it clear that, for you, feedback is a professional development tool, not a scorecard. Let your boss know that you’ll use the information to improve your performance, not to track wins and losses.
Set the tone. Once you open this Pandora’s Box, you must be receptive to whatever comes rushing out. Remain open and never get defensive. Don’t object and don’t refute. If you shut down, so will your boss.
Structure the interaction. Your boss may not be adept at delivering feedback, so make it easy for her/him. Use these three questions to organize your conversation:
- What worked?
- What didn’t work?
- How can I do better next time?
Ask questions. It’s likely that you’ll need to take responsibility for getting specifics. When you receive a general or vague comment, follow up with a clarifying or explanatory question, such as: “What do you mean by X?” or “Can you give me a specific example of X?” Avoid asking “Why” questions—they sound accusatory.
Appeal to self-interest. At the end of the day, the better you do your job, the better your boss looks. Connect those dots explicitly, so your boss equates feedback to you as a clear and present benefit to her/him.
Make it a habit. Check in for feedback with each major milestone and deliverable. After a while, it may become such an established ritual that you’ll get it without having to ask.
Say “thank you.” Positive reinforcement works.
Ann Daly, Ph.D., is an executive coach, speaker, and author devoted to the success and advancement of women. Before reinventing herself as a coach, she was a journalist and then women’s studies professor. Dr. Daly is the award-winning author of six books, including Clarity: How to Accomplish What Matters Most and Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives. She has been featured in ForbesWoman.com, WomenEntrepreneur.com, Houston Woman magazine, Australian Financial Review, and Oprah & Friends’ “Peter Walsh Show.” Do you have a career question you’d like Dr. Daly to answer? Click here to email your career question to Dr. Daly.
