What Does Being Your ‘Authentic Self’ Really Mean?

By Tina Vasquez (Los Angeles)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, chances are you’ve heard the buzz phrase “authentic self.” From diversity efforts and communication, to making those in the LGBT community feel more at ease in the workplace, this phrase du jour has come to encompass everything under the sun, especially as it relates to women in the business world. At this point, what does the “your authentic self” even mean?

Many motivational speakers would have us believe that tapping into our authentic selves is as simple as having an understanding of who we want to be and doing what we truly want. In other words, we just have to be ourselves and the rest will fall in place, but is it that simple?

In a recent column, Marcia Reynolds, author of the book Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction, discussed many of the questions that arise when women begin seeking out their authentic selves. “Women should be real, but what does this mean, really?” Reynolds wrote. “If you adapt to a situation so your ideas will be heard, are you being inauthentic? If you refrain from telling people details of your personal life, are you living a lie? If you are learning new skills but feel awkward when trying them out, are you being a fake? Or are you being an authentic human trying to fit into various social situations?”

How should women go about tackling these difficult questions? After speaking to women from around the country, it became clear that there is no singular path; one size does not fit all.

The phrase “authentic self” has come to mean something different for everyone, but it hasn’t made the journey to get in tune with their authentic selves any less powerful to the women who’ve taken the phrase to heart. Some women we spoke to believed that presenting your authentic self in the business world actually puts women at a disadvantage, while others believed it gives them the leg up in the corporate world they very clearly need.

Let’s take a look at what women from various backgrounds had to say about being your authentic self.

“Don’t Try to Fit the ‘Corporate Image’”

Dr. Donna Thomas-Rodgers discovered her knack for leadership while serving in the U.S. Army as a Military Police Officer for five years, a profession she left in order to enter the corporate world. Though these two aspects of her career were drastically different, both were male dominated and Rodgers learned quickly that she had to play to her strengths, which involved maintaining authenticity.

Rodgers has since left the corporate world and become a noted author, speaker, and motivational coach. The idea of “being your authentic self” is something she discusses with her clients often and though some of her advice may seem like common sense, it’s actually startling how frequently women try to be something they’re not in the corporate world.

“There is no use is trying to fit ‘the corporate image,” Rodgers said. “In the end, the person that loses most is you. When I was in the corporate world, each day that I tried to be someone else, a part of me died and when I couldn’t look myself in the mirror I knew that I could only be me and that had to be enough.”

According to Rodgers, sometimes it takes these moments of clarity to get women to shift gears and embrace who they are rather than trying to be someone they’re not. Having a woman recognize that she’s playing a part rather than living her own life can be a powerful step on the way to recognizing her goals. Rodgers recommends that women ask themselves one very powerful question: “Would the person I’m closest to recognize me while I’m at work?” If the answer is no, she says, you’ve got a lot of soul searching to do.

“Don’t be Afraid to be a Woman”

Nadine Owens Burton is a former educator and counselor who worked to recruit academically prepared minority students to college. Burton now owns her own consulting firm and develops what she refers to as her “power of care framework,” which helps women recognize their authentic selves.

“I’ve used the phrase ‘don’t be afraid to be a woman’ many times,” Burton said. “Each time I use it, it’s been in reference to being your authentic self and not what society says a woman is, but rather what you feel is important. When you care, it should show in the choices you make, the attitude you project, the relationships you cultivate, and the effort you exert.”

Burton doesn’t claim to have all of the answers, but what she does have is a series of questions that may help women on their path to enlightenment … or at least a better understanding of what they want.

“We must continuously ask ourselves ‘why?’ Why are the things we say we care about as women important to us; is it because we find value in it or because we were conditioned to value it?” Burton said. “Women also need to ask themselves if they’re trying too hard. Practice doesn’t make perfect; practice makes habit. We can do something so often it becomes what we are used to, not necessarily something that is ‘authentic’ to who we are. It is vital that women ask themselves if their behaviors in the workplace are out of habit.”

Is Being Authentic Harmful?

Be honest; be yourself; be open about your needs/wants/goals; be authentic. Could any of these things ever be bad? According to BJ Gallagher, a sociologist and workplace consultant, it could be career suicide for many women in corporate America.

“I would be cautious when telling women to just be themselves in the world of work,” Gallagher said. “Research shows that if a woman wants to be successful in a corporate environment, she needs to behave in a way that is androgynous, neither masculine nor feminine. If a woman behaves in a manner that is viewed as ‘too feminine,’ she will be seen as too soft to take the ups and downs of business. If she behaves in a manner that is ‘too masculine,’ she’ll be seen as a ‘ball-buster,’ bitch, or even worse. In other words, she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t and simply telling a woman to be herself is naive at best and career-suicide at worst. Advice to ‘be authentic’ doesn’t take into account the harsh realities of the corporate world. There is still a double standard in the world of business and this is why it’s simplistic and naive to simply tell women to be authentic at work; it doesn’t take into account the way the game of business is played.”

This is something that was echoed by Bettina Seidman, a career management coach from New York City.

“I’ve always had a problem with the advice ‘be your authentic self.’ My view is that people need to be as strategic and tactical as possible in pursuing their goals, especially in the corporate world,” Seidman said. “Too much authenticity can often be dangerous; it can come across the wrong way and smack of too much honesty or too much self confidence.”

Rather than being authentic, Gallagher recommends that women use the “symbolic interaction” strategy for women, which requires that they shift their behavioral style according to their environment. This is also called Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP for short. Essentially, it requires playing to your audience and Gallagher believes this is safer, smarter, and more effective than being authentic.

No matter how you feel about this new catchphrase, there’s no denying that women are being pulled in so many different directions these days that it’s difficult for them to be effective, successful, and emotionally satisfied. Whether in business or in life, if seeking out your “authentic self” leads you to be more in tune with your needs and more comfortable in your own skin, it’s a journey worth taking.