Connect the Dots to Solve Workplace Conflict

Contributed by Dr. Sylvia Lafair

Handling conflict is a major part of leadership development. You can have the best product in the world yet, if the marketing team, sales team, or administrative team is at odds with each other the dissention will tumble to customers who will find another product elsewhere.

Think about the word conflict. What is your initial reaction? Do you think “Not another ##&%!! Issue?” Do you say “Not my fault” as you look for the nearest exit? How about playing Scarlett O’Hara brushing past the upset with “I’ll think about it tomorrow”? Or are you one of the few who says “Oh great, I know I can learn from this mess.”

Whatever your first response, be kind to yourself. Your knee-jerk reactions are those you have developed over time for security and survival. Yet, there is a better way. Once you learn to think in terms of connecting the dots of an experience you can find a better way to handle all conflict.

Begin to think larger, holistically, about “if-this-then-that.” When you think in terms of a system your thinking is integrated and interdependent. It takes into account the big picture and long range thinking.

So when a conflict erupts ask yourself, “What do I want as an outcome?” Then stop, take a breath and ask yourself, “How have I handled this kind of issue in the past?” Then take another breath and begin to connect the dots. Look at how you have either avoided or perhaps barreled into solving the problem without thinking it through. Is your tendency to blame others or blame yourself? Do you go dramatic, comic, or silent?

Use the following guidelines to go beyond the twin mistakes of obsessing and scapegoating:

1. Stop downward spirals: create a win-win situation. This does not mean that the pie is evenly divided, but rather that everyone has been heard and included in hammering out a solution.
2. Everyone talks: everyone needs to be heard in equal increments. A good model is to have all parties repeat the facts first, give an opinion, talk about how the situation makes them feel, and then state a possible beneficial outcome
3. No band-aids: when tensions are high most people will take the first solution to be the best just to get out of the discomfort. Take a long break, or let people “sleep on it” and return the next day before stamping the issue finished.

When people are allowed to talk together and probe for better solutions, the way opens for healthy, lasting change. Adopt a “connect the dots”, systems approach to handling conflict and you will be seen as a far more thoughtful and inventive leader. And your work setting will be a happier and more resilient place to work

Dr. Sylvia Lafair is President of CEO, Creative Energy Options, Inc., a global consulting company focused on optimizing workplace relationships through extraordinary leadership. With a doctorate in clinical psychology, Dr. Lafair, formerly a practicing family therapist, took her skills into the work world and has revolutionized the way teams cooperate, relate and innovate. Her award winning book Don’t Bring It to Work has been ranked # 4 by Amazon in Workplace Books.