Pride Month: Top 5 Ways NOT to Tell Your Co-Workers You are a Lesbian
You are a professional woman in finance, law, or business. You probably went to a great university, have paid your dues, and are making way up the career ladder as we speak. Yet, you feel incomplete. You are likely either:
(a) a straight woman reading this thinking its hard to find a decent man to live with/marry/have a baby with (delete as appropriate, ladies); or
(b)a lesbian reading this thinking its hard to find a decent woman to live with/get married to in Vermont (or some other same sex marriage friendly jurisdiction)/ have a baby with (including the endless conversations with your partner about who can father the child) (delete as appropriate, ladies).
But, if you fall into category (b), your challenges are different, especially if you are not yet “out” at work.
It is not easy coming out. And, let’s face it, it is basically Groundhog Day every day in that you have to constantly come out to everyone new you meet – new co-workers, clients, deli counter guys. And since it’s a Friday afternoon at the end of what promises to be a less-than-stellar-Quarter 2, we figured you were in the need of a bit of a laugh. So our crack team of reporters combed the world to come up with the following tips on ways you should not break the news to co-workers that you are into girls:
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Tell your co-worker over a pint or 5. In the UK, with the “5 Pint Rule” firmly in place, you can say anything you want as people may or may not remember it. In other words, you and your co-workers have likely already shared all secrets there were to share at the pub down the street from the office. (Seriously, how many things about your co-workers do you wish that you didn’t know?! Clearly, lots of people have slept with the boss and the intern it would seem so they are not very concerned with your love life as it is, in comparison, really pretty boring.) Since social drinking with co-workers is less of a daily occurrence in the US than it is in the UK, you may just have to wait until the company BBQ this summer. Come in your Subaru and, when the office loudmouth asks you, while s/he is flipping burgers, why your boyfriend Henry didn’t show up, casually mention that your girlfriend Henrietta convinced him not to and she can be very persuasive. (*wink, wink)
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Tell your boss over lunch It will be entertaining to watch him or her react. Make sure you do it when they have just taken a drink for more effect. Know the Heimlich maneuver just in case. And remember, wear something water resistant.
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Tell the most homophobic person in the office first. He or she will ensure everyone else knows within the hour.
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Go guerilla with rainbows – Go around the office putting Pride rainbow stickers on all your co-worker’s computers with a note saying, “xo, Me”. It will certainly make the office more colorful.
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Talk up the icons. Go on and on about the gospel according to Ellen, Rachel Maddow and Rosie O’Donnell. And let us say, Amen.
