Intrepid Women: Sense of Safety in My Own Skin

by Kelley Vollmer (New York City)

Since moving to Manhattan, self defense had been something I’d always meant to learn, but I kept finding excuses as to why I couldn’t take a class: it didn’t fit into my schedule; I didn’t know which course to take; or it was just too expensive. I told myself that since I lived in a safe neighborhood and made smart choices, I was fine. But, routinely, I’d find myself in situations – from men walking by me with catcalls to walking by myself late at night after work – in which I would feel vulnerable and fearful. It was at those times that I would remind myself that I needed to take a self defense class.

One night last summer upped the ante for me. I responded to an ad on Craigslist for free concert tickets. Of course, I now recognize how supremely naive I was but, at the time, my only thought was that the tickets were third row center for one of my favorite bands. The guy even claimed to not be looking for a date, saying he was too old. Even though he gave me “uh-oh” feeling the moment I met him and kept his fists clenched throughout the evening (in addition to having a curious bulge near his ankle and asking inappropriate questions about my sexuality), I stuck out the concert because I didn’t want to be rude. At the end, I thanked him for his generosity and left or, rather, attempted to leave.

When I said I was heading to Brooklyn, he said he had a car and could drive me as he was going that way. When I said, “No, thanks I’ll take the subway,” he responded with, “I’ll go with you.” I was feeling very uncomfortable so I sprinted into the chaos that is Times Square after all the Broadway shows let out.

Without looking back, I ran into the subway and down to the train platform right as an express train was pulling up. I jumped onto the train and sat down in the only available seat in a packed car. As I was about to sigh with relief, I felt a presence. I discreetly looked up and saw the old man from the concert – he had followed me onto the train and was now hiding behind someone so I would not see him.

I felt alone with no cell phone and, now, unable to go back to my own apartment (as I would need to traverse an empty, dimly lit street to get there). As the doors opened at my station, I decided to run to a nearby doorman apartment building. The doorman asked me immediately, “What did he look like?” Gasping for breath, I was confused – how did he know I was being followed? Still, I gave the description and he went running out the door. He came back a few minutes later and said he had seen the guy running away. He also said that I was the third woman that year that had run into the building after being stalked. He knew the look.

While it was good that I followed my instincts that night and was able to get to safety, there had been many moments that night when I had felt frozen. I wanted a self-defense skill set that was a part of me that I wouldn’t have to think about it. After reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker, a leading expert in crime prevention, I enrolled in the twenty-hour women’s basic course at Prepare, Inc. the New York branch of Impact Self Defense program, the course that De Becker recommended.

In a life or death situation, it is often hard to think, so the physical part of the Prepare class relies on muscle memory. Attacks are simulated – from merely threatening situations to worst-case home intruder scenarios – by large men dressed in padded suits. The defense techniques are drilled in while you are in an adrenalized state so the techniques take root in the deepest part of the brain. In other words, you don’t even think about what to do, you just do it.

We were taught new skills in each class, including strikes and kicks, as well as balance and targeting strategies. Most importantly, though, is that we learned that it is never too late to fight back, no matter how grave the situation. The class also focused on verbal self-defense techniques, teaching us how to negotiate and, if possible, avoid getting into the situations that would require the physical techniques in the first place.

The twenty-hour course pushed me hard and, when I came out of the graduation, I felt like a new woman. It instilled in me a sense of safety in my own skin, something I had never felt before. I feel more confident on the streets now. I even get a lot fewer catcalls. It feels great to walk around this crazy city with the awareness that, just by knowing how to defend myself, I am making the world a safer place.

And the benefits have even spilled over to work. I now stand up for myself more. I have those difficult confrontations when necessary because I now know how to handle myself in them. I also now recognize that I am worth it because I am worth fighting for, as is every woman.