Put On Your Confidence Cloak
by Jane Lucken (London)
Love it or hate it, Ally McBeal created a buzz as it shattered various corporate taboos. While it’s hard to relate to that fictional, skinny TV lawyer, many successful women have admitted to feeling some of the same anxieties and concerns of that character. A recurring image was a shrunken, child-size Ally sitting at the head of a boardroom table with little legs dangling over the chair.
The ‘impostor syndrome’–the fear that someone might find out that you don’t really belong at the table–is by no means exclusive to women. Everyone at some stage has felt his or her confidence disappear at the moment when he or she needed to be taking the lead. It’s just that women haven’t always had the training like men have–from the playground onward—to bluff things out. Watch little boys playing – the one with the loudest voice, biggest stick or steely determination leads the gang. Girls tend to be more social: popularity and loyalty drives the election of leaders.
When women enter the workplace, they have years of socialization to overcome, and how they do that helps or hinders their growth. Jo Haigh coins a great phrase on how to deal with it in her book Tales from the Glass Ceiling: Put on your confidence cloak. She writes, “A confident veneer usually brings about a polished performance, and one skillfully managed performance usually leads to another. A smile and direct look into someone’s eyes gets you a long way. And if you get that feeling that you might be ‘found out’, take a realistic look around the table – it’s likely that no one has the same sets of skills and experience as you.”
Women tend to be more open than men and value openness in other people. But success in the workplace is determined by how you are perceived rather than how you feel. It’s likely that you already come across as far more professional and confident than you sometimes feel. In “The King and I,” Anna sings “Whenever I feel afraid…I whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I’m afraid.” In other words, just smile and fake it ’til you make it.
Jo Haigh advises that “women tend over-research decisions. ‘Take every opportunity; you will regret the ones you missed more than the ones you pursued.“ It appears that women aren’t pushing themselves into larger roles. Human resources professionals have noted that women tend to apply for jobs only when they meet 100% of the job’s specifications; men, only 30%. Applicants should realize that the recruiter knows that the dream candidate they are describing is unlikely to exist, and that they will have to comprise. Don’t underestimate what you are capable of. You can learn the new skills or industry specific information after you’ve gotten the job.
Positive feedback from other people also works wonders. Elizabeth Coffey of Spark Leadership suggested in a recent lecture to women in the hedge fund industry to “get hold of your biggest fan, your mentor, partner or best friend and ask them to tell you why you are great.“ In the same vein, you should ask a colleague or friend to edit your CV/resume to be certain that you haven’t undersold yourself.
McKinsey, a professional services firm, reported in their 2007 study ‘Women Matter’ that “It requires a greater effort of adaptation for women to be more assertive in making their way to the top….Women, it appears, tend to minimize their own contribution, as a survey of MBA students suggests: 70% of female respondents rate their own performance as equivalent to that of their co-worker while 70% of men rate themselves higher than their co-workers.“ Assert your talents and tell colleagues what you have achieved to gain recognition. This will come back to you in the form of positive feedback from others.
Finally, let’s help our children believe in themselves. After meeting 100 other senior women while researching her book, Jo Haigh’s most heart-felt message was simply: let’s inspire self-belief in the next generation by telling our children they can do anything.
Readers of The Glass Hammer can buy a copy of the book for £11.99 including UK postage by calling 01832 737 525 (+44 1832 737525) and quoting reference PIA 036.
