Women & Networking Effectively

By: Robin Barone

Imagine the start of a cocktail party: the setting is a terrace of a midtown office building with an impeccable view of Bryant Park. The bar is full stacked with a selection of good wine and attended by two attractive bar tenders. Tables and chairs scatter the balcony with a selection of antipasta, crudite, and cheese to dine on. God held up his promise of good weather and you can feel good karma spreading in the air through the beats of background music.

As the event progressed, I noticed a trend. As each woman arrived, they would enter the terrace, look around, grab a glass of wine, find their friends, sit down, and get comfortable for the remainder of the evening. I will admit the chairs were really comfortable and the food was really good. But in the back of my head I kept thinking, “Aren’t they here to meet other women in our field?”

For many years, I attended parties sponsored by major banks. These events were lavish affairs with amazing food, wine, and drink. The events were intended for gorging the appetite and feeding the ego. I would attend and mingle but something wasn’t jiving. It wasn’t my self confidence or immediate companions. I surmised that I had passed the age where self indulgence won my acceptance. This past spring I decided to change paths and set the tone – a series of women’s events catered to them. I didn’t want beer. I didn’t want wings, ribs, or steak. I didn’t want to hear a band from a bygone era. Instead I wanted good wine and food that didn’t cause heartburn. I wanted music pleasant to the ear and Pilates classes.

Then, in watching the women – I finally got it. Men network differently than women in a way that makes all the difference: it wasn’t the event alone, but the behavior of the attendees that defined the experience. I hoped to observe women interacting among each other however, what I observed resembled something like my cousin’s bridal shower. One by one, the women came in, found their friends, sat at a table, and didn’t move until I told them it was time to go. Were my efforts to help women network in vain, or did I just strengthen the bonds of groups of women in this sorority?

The following week, the CMSA conference was held in New York City. On the evening of June 12th, I was challenged with not one or two, but five parties to attend over the course of 3 hours spanning 42nd to 22nd Streets. Over those next hours I would have plenty of room to test my experiment. With each event, I compared the interactions of men and women. Time and time again the pattern was the same: women would size the room, find their friends, and get comfortable with their glass of wine. Men walked into the room, knew who they wanted to meet, held back on the chit chat, and got down to business. If the person they wanted to meet wasn’t there, they wasted no time in moving on.

Now let’s return to the place where I first made this discovery. The event was for a women’s networking organization in New York hosted by my current employer. From the very beginning of planning, my mission was to have an event for women that catered to women. The event would be in an environment that was warm, welcoming, and made us look good in the sunset light. Lastly, the event was meant to kick off summer and be a treat to us all. At the end of the event each guest received a goody bag with treats including a fashion magazine, promotions for spa treatments and passes to museums. To date, this was the first event in which I did not bring home a finance journal, plastic cup, or Mardi Gras beads as a favor.

Overall, the event was a success and also recognized as one of the best events of the organization. For most of the night I was happy and gleeful – thanks to several glasses of wine. I was successful in the organization and execution of the event. However, the images of my observation repeat tirelessly in my head so now I ask, “Are women their own firewall?”