When a Woman Cries …

What is it about a few tears, or just a misty eye at a poignant public moment that spurs a media frenzy and possibly a turning point in the presidential election?

Tuesday night, January 8, was the night of the New Hampshire presidential primary. As the election results were coming in, I stepped out after work to meet two women friends for a burger and beer. One of the main topics of conversation – along with year-end bonuses and spring vacation plans – was Hillary Clinton tearing up at a campaign event a few days beforehand. My friends said they easily understood how stress, lack of sleep and frustration in a high stakes situation could lead a person to shed a few tears. One friend remarked, “She’s human – it’s normal.” But as the three of us were leaving the restaurant, we passed a group of men laughing, and overheard them making fun of Hillary’s emotional moment on the campaign trail.

Some people felt that the moment showed a more human side of Senator Clinton, and demonstrated how much she cared about her country and the American people, while others thought that her tears seemed insincere. No matter what side of last week’s debate you were on, you’ll have plenty of company, as everyone weighed in on this subject via every media outlet imaginable. Here at the Glass Hammer, this media scrutiny brought to mind another issue we’ve covered: how the same behavior in women and men can be perceived differently. (See “Can Women Win” from November 8, 2007)

In the workplace

Informal polling among my female colleagues in finance has shown me that it’s not uncommon to tear up at work, while either under pressure or for other reasons. For example, after asking some questions to clarify an assignment, an executive once had a female boss tell her “I don’t want to hear any more lip or back-talk from you; just do it the way I told you.” The executive admits her eyes welled up from the shock of the harsh words. Another former colleague admitted to tearing up when she received an unexpected promotion and realized what that meant to her career.

The Wall Street Journal’s Sue Shellenbarger writes in “Read This and Weep: Crying At the Office Gains Acceptance” that more workers now feel “it’s old-fashioned to hide your emotions,” and includes the example of a football player moved to tears after learning that he has been chosen in the first-round of the NFL draft and achieving his dream. Shellenbarger also suggests that “some bosses see tears as a natural side effect of the emotional investment required by many jobs” and that savvy bosses would do well to avoid charactering tears as a weakness.

Many women feel, however, that tears are still taboo at work and can result in a loss of stature. That’s one of the conclusions reached in the New York Times article “Weeping at Work? Dry Those Tears” which offers several tips to understanding the potential causes of crying and how to change reactions.

Finally, women who have the occasional emotional moment are often perceived differently than men. While men who choke up in a rare moment might be perceived as passionate and personally committed to the cause, women might be perceived as hysterical and unprofessional. What accounts for this disparity? Preconceived notions about gender roles and women in the workplace play a role, but maybe it goes deeper than that.

Tears: good or bad? Whether in the office or on the campaign trail, the debate continues.