Manhattan-New York

Hard Questions: Why won’t we work for women?

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iStock_000009246116XSmallBy Elizabeth Harrin (London)

You don’t have to look too far into management research to uncover that all the statistics point to one thing: we prefer to work for men. When Ella Edmonson Bell asked her MBA students whether they would rather work for a woman or a man, most of them said they’d prefer a male boss. When ForbesWoman asked their Facebook community the same thing, the answers were the same. Admitting our preferences doesn’t seem to be a problem – we’re happy to confess that we want to work for men – but why do we feel like that in the first place? What’s so problematic about working for a woman?

“One way of explaining this phenomenon is gender schemas,” says Dr. Birute Regine, a developmental psychologist and author of Iron Butterflies: Women Transforming Themselves and the World. “A gender schema is an unconscious cultural assumption we hold about men and women. One schema is that women are first assumed incompetent and therefore not leaders, whereas for men it’s the opposite – that they are first assumed competent until proven otherwise.”

The problem with ideologies of this type is that we don’t necessarily know that we have them, and they tend to be pervasive. “Both women and men hold these assumptions,” adds Dr. Regine. “So perhaps women prefer male bosses because they assume they are more competent, and don’t give women the same benefit of the doubt or confidence going in. Women bosses may not be as supportive because, even though they know that they themselves are competent, these schema lead them to assume that other women are not.”

“A host of studies show that negative and positive stereotypes of women and minorities are held as strongly, or nearly as strongly, by members of those groups as by outsiders,” explains Dr. Robert Sutton, Professor of Management Science and Engineering at the Stanford School of Engineering. “So despite pleas to the contrary, the negative behaviour and attitudes of women toward women are often the same as men.” Essentially, whatever men think about our abilities in the workplace, we think the same about other women – although we might cut ourselves as an individual a bit of slack.

Fewer female role models

Part of these judgements come from the fact that we have more male role models in positions of authority – we’re just used to seeing men in the top jobs. As men hold more of the board and C-suite positions, chances are most women will have worked for men in the past and become accustomed to working for them. We might deduce that working for a woman would mean a different leadership style – and therefore a change on our part as we would have to get used to working in a different way.

Debbie Mandel, a stress management expert, believes there’s yet another reason why women prefer to work for men. “Women tend to compete – especially with other women,” she says. There’s less competition working for (or with) another man than there is with another woman. This could be felt particularly keenly in situations where there are only a few senior women, which could imply that there are fewer ‘places’ for women at the top, or that those senior women might be tokens and not really high performers. “Also, many women befriend colleagues and superiors which blurs the border between boss and employee, creating an uncomfortable chain of command,” Mandel adds. “Therefore women have trouble navigating relationships where other women are in a dominant position. The stereotype is out there and in some cases holds true as stereotypes do that women do not affirm other women who are ascending the ladder – there is jealousy and fear.”

Be perfectly assertive

The best bosses, according to Professor Sutton, are those who manage the fine line between assertiveness and aggressiveness. “They are in tune – on a moment to moment basis – with their people, pushing just hard enough, backing off at the right times, and so on,” he says. He calls this being ‘perfectly assertive’. “Arguably, as suggested by a lot of research on gender dynamics, sustaining this balance between too much and too little assertiveness in the eyes of followers is much harder for male than female bosses, because the norms for acceptable behaviour for women in the workplaces allow a much narrower range of behaviour than for men,” he adds.

“Becoming conscious of the assumptions we make would be a big step for each of us individually and collectively in changing these stereotypes,” says Dr. Birute. However, it’s not easy to become aware of something like this when you are immersed in it. Try to step out of your behavioural assumptions; when you are recruiting or carrying out performance reviews for managers, think about whether you expect the same from your male and female colleagues. Always address the behaviour, and not the gender, if you need to challenge (or reward) any of your employees.

“As my colleague Maggie Neale at Stanford is always saying, and my wife too, the line between being a boss who is seen as a doormat and seen as a bitch is much narrower for men than women,” says Professor Sutton. “And since men and women hold the same negative stereotypes about women – a lot more women (in the eyes of both) veer over the ‘doormat’ and ‘bitch’ boundaries. So a lot more female bosses will be seen as too assertive or not assertive enough.”

Professor Sutton says that this is one of the biggest challenges for female bosses. He recommends that managers try to foster an environment where unacceptable behaviour is identified and confronted. “General awareness and strong norms where people are encouraged to call each other on their sexist responses in the moment are most powerful. Note that some self-advocacy by women bosses also can help, but having seen female bosses ask their colleagues, ‘Would you react the same way to a pushy man,’ unfortunately, provokes the conclusion that she is being too pushy.”

Being perfectly assertive means treading a fine line, but until we can sweep away the stereotypes about women not being as good managers as men, it’s about the only trick we have to start convincing women that working for each other is no bad thing.

  1. the scrum mistress
    the scrum mistress says:

    The women tend to compete thing. Not sure if I buy into that. That is a sterotype and as such should be treated with caution. There too many bad movies that employ it. But then I am the only woman here so it is lack of experience.

    A man’s role model for woman is his mom. Being a hardass lady boss challenges that ideal. It is ok for a woman to be in charge as long as she is nurturing and that is what the position calls for. But woman is not for the hard cold world o’ business. How can a woman be considered succesful if she isn’t like mom?

    That being said I have men working for me and while it is a fine line between bitch/doormat I have not found it as fine as studies seem to purport. I deliver results and for once, that is all that seems to matter to the men I work for and the ones that work for me.

    I prefer to work for men because, sadly, I can leverage my sexuality to easily manipulate them. So perhaps I am giving my gender a bad name there.

  2. Elizabeth
    Elizabeth says:

    The thing with stereotypes is that they normally come from somewhere. I’m glad that results, rather than gender, matter in your organisation. I don’t think it is like that everywhere.

  3. Elaine
    Elaine says:

    I just prefer working for men because they are more honest. Women tell more lies. Women are the most deceitful people I have ever worked for. Again and again I come up against women in the workplace and they can’t be trusted. I completely understand why women find it so hard to get on boards, men will trust them only so far – but when it gets to real influence at board level – men won’t risk having these people around.

    Until we can engage with men and explain that we’re not all like that, women will always struggle.

  4. Lynn Harris
    Lynn Harris says:

    We need to stop asking questions like “do you prefer to work for a man or a woman.”

    If interviewers asked – “do you prefer to work for a good boss or a bad boss” people would obviously choose the good boss – no matter whether it was a man or a woman.

    We are falling into the trap of making this too much about gender when in reality there are good male and female bosses and there are bad male and female bosses.

    By asking questions like this we just perpetuate the stereotypes.

  5. Deborah
    Deborah says:

    Thank you for an excellent topic. My experience supports the notion that women compete with each other. An important caveat might be the ratio of men vs women in your work environment. I have worked in human resources for the last 15 years which is roughly 75% female. When I worked as an internal consultant representing HR in the business, the ratios were flipped and my comfort level increased.

    In observing my husband, he is much more networked and the guys he works with really look out for each other politically. It has reminded me of the critical importance of networking which guys tend to do better than women.

  6. Stephanie J Hauge
    Stephanie J Hauge says:

    This is an important topic. I have found in my years of experience leading organizations, that it is important to enlist the support of your team, it’s not just about you. I had both men and women direct reports, promoted and recognized both. But I have also been a strong advocate for women. I found it was particularly important to engage and gain the respect of the older women who were in admin positions. Thet tended to be most critical of women leaders and not quiet about it. What mattered for my bosses was results, and what mattered for my team was fairness and recognition. I worked directly for two very strong women leaders, Patricia Russo, and Maureen Tart-Bezer, who were strong role-models. Both serve on corporate boards today. I believe that we as women need to conteract these stereotypes, and be active supporters, champions and sponsors of other women.

  7. Kate Putnam
    Kate Putnam says:

    I find most of the comments here anecdotal which mine is as well.

    I think the bigger issue is that women are not taught to delegate but to get the job done. I worked for a woman was a really nice person but it took me years to realize it, because she micromanaged me to death in pursuit of making sure everything was done properly. She need only 4 hours of sleep a night and she spent the rest of her time doing my job and hers. She knew how to do mine because she had been doing it. She needed help operating at the higher level and no one gave it to her.

    Women don’t lie more than men in my experience. In fact, I have found men to tell bigger whoppers than any woman I know.
    Men are not more networked but they are more hierarchical and that is tolerated better in corporations which are still modeled on the military form of governance.
    Lynn is right about perpetuating stereotypes.

  8. S. Onder
    S. Onder says:

    I think this article does tend to perpetuate false stereotypes, as others have pointed out above.

    I have had good bosses and bad. Overall, I actually prefer the women I’ve worked for over the men, and I have in fact worked for predominantly women — until starting my own business.

    One of my male bosses actually told me during a performance review that I was too “smart” for the company, something I’ve thankfully never experienced elsewhere! Also, one of my male bosses once inadvertently called me by his wife’s name, and consistently didn’t know how to handle professional differences of opinion between us, though he’s re-approached me since about working for him again. Not something I’d consider.

    On the other hand, I never had any similar problems working with women.

  9. Emily Kaller
    Emily Kaller says:

    The problem with this question is that for many, their experience in working for a woman is too limited, leading to anecdotal information. The number of women in positions of authority is significantly smaller than the number of men in similar positions. Therefore, a person’s opinion on working for a woman is based upon whether one or perhaps two of the women they reported to during their career had good or bad management skills.

    I have had the good fortune to have been supervised by two very competent women during the course of my career as well as a number of very competent men. BOth the male and the female supervisors who were capable, were supportive. I have also had the experience of working with less competent supervisors. Although these happened to be men, I am certain that incompetent supervisors come in both sexes. Those supervisors who were not competent tended to feel threatened by those among their direct reports whom they perceived as future competition, causing them to encourage staff members who they thought were loyal, as opposed to capable.

  10. Elizabeth
    Elizabeth says:

    I can understand that not everyone will agree with the research done by Ella Edmonson Bell or ForbesWoman, or think it was valid. However, I believe it is a topic worth bringing to people’s attention, and I’m glad that it has prompted the discussion here.